Sperek The Collection
by KittyBits
Summary: All my Sperek oneshots collected and republished. The original stories will be taken down from my profile within a week. Includes My Life Is A Teenage Drama, Emotional Turmoil and brand new During Times of War. Rating varies from story to story. SLASH
1. Surprise Invaders

**Title: **Surprise Invaders**  
>Fandom: <strong>Criminal Minds**  
>CharactersPairing:** Prentiss, Garcia, Reid/Morgan  
><strong>Genre: <strong>Humor/Romance  
><strong>Rating: <strong>T  
><strong>Summary: <strong>Prentiss and Garcia shows up at Reid's place - much to his displeasure. Who is the guest he's expecting? What did Garcia find in his bedroom? And why is he suddenly so pale? Garcia/Prentiss-friendship. Reid-SLASH  
><strong>Author's Note: <strong>I grew a bit tired of having all my Sperek-oneshots scattered like leaves in the wind (or something) so I decided to gather them in one "story" to tidy things up. Of course I wrote a new story so there's something in it for all of you who check it out! The four first stories is old and will be removed from my profile within the next week.  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> Don't own CM or any of the other things that actually exist. Or those that is just a figment of my imagination...

**xXx**

"SURPRISE INVASION!"

Reid looked dumbfounded at Garcia and Prentiss outside his door.

"What are you doing her?"

"Well, since we're having a day off because of that dread-awful case back in Florida we thought that you needed some company! You know – to cheer you up!" Garcia shot a big grin in his direction as she slipped out of her big green coat and threw it at him. She went into the apartment before he could stop her.

"Besides – we haven't seen your apartment. So Garcia became slightly obsessed with the idea of visiting." Prentiss added and gave Reid her coat too. She peeked in through the door at Garcia who had discovered Reid's DVD collection. "Are you going to give us a tour?"

"Well, actually I'm expecting company... Soon... So if you wouldn't mind leaving."

"Ooh! The Wrath of Khan! That's my favorite feature!" Garcia yelled from the living room. Reid quickly deposed of the coats and hurried to stop her.

"Yeah – it's my favorite too. Will you please put it back it's got..."

"OMG! You got it signed by Ricardo Montalbán! That's so fricken awesome!"

"Yeah – and it's also quite valuable..."

"Give me a tour Reid, I'd like to see how an honest to God genius lives." Prentiss said right behind Reid making him jump. He grabbed his chest and shot her an accusing look.

"Don't sneak up on people like that!" She grinned.

"Just give me that tour, let me borrow your bathroom, and I'll get Garcia out before she wreaks anything..."

"What do I see over there – Dr. Spencer Reid's very own home computer! Wonder what that one hides..."

"Do under NO circumstances even THINK about touching my laptop!" Reid's cheeks flushed with sudden anger and fear. If Garcia laid a hand on it she would know pretty much everything about him. Including the things he _really_ didn't want her to know. She shot him a hurt look.

"Please, just... Check out my books or something..." He faced Prentiss and sighed. "So this is my living room. Next is..."

"What do you do here?" Reid gave her a look that would have scared off their latest UnSub. She just smiled sweetly.

"I live." He went to his kitchen and flung an arm out gesturing to nothing in particular. "This is my kitchen. This is where I cook and eat my meals." He looked at her icily. "That over there is a door to the stairs down to the yard. That," he pointed in the given directions. "Is my refrigerator."

He stomped out of the kitchen Prentiss following closely with a smug smile on her face. Reid was the cutest thing when pissed of. She nearly walked into him when he came to a dead halt all of a sudden.

"What the... Reid, what's going on?"

He turned to face her, his cheeks once again red from poorly suppressed feelings.

"Where is she?"

Prentiss glanced round the room and realized how quiet it had become.

"I don't know... Maybe she went to find the bath..." A loud squeal interrupted her, and Prentiss and Reid both looked in terror as the red-haired blood-hound rushed towards them with an eager look on her face.

"OH MY GOD EMILY!" Garcia squealed almost jumping from excitement. "Guess what I just found!"

Prentiss saw Reid's face go pale as a sheet of paper.

"No you didn't," he said the words no more than a whisper.

"Spencer Reid writes a _diary_!" Garcia's face was on fire. Her eyes had a wicked glint and her cheeks was flushed red from excitement.

"Give it BACK!" Reid yelled and lounged for Garcia.

"Nuh-uh, my pretty little blue-berry muffin," she teased and threw the book to Prentiss who caught it with ease. Garcia and Reid wrestled a bit on the floor, Garcia finally gaining the upper hand nailing the lanky man to the floor. She looked at Prentiss.

"Please read aloud my evil accomplice!"

Prentiss glanced briefly at the struggling young man who shook his head feverishly while mouthing something. It was probably something along the lines of "please don't" and "I'll pay you money to get this beast out of my home!". She smiled apologizing to him and opened the book.

"_Dear diary,_" she read.

"Aaaaaw! That is sooo teenage girlish!" Garcia cooed from her place on top of Reid. "Go on!"

"_I am still having those weird feelings in my stomach, but now I am quite sure that it's not some kind of illness... _Oh – this is sooo gonna be worth our while Garcia! _It only ever happens when one special person is close to me or talks to me. It is really rather disturbing and incredibly distracting, but I fear that I have fallen in love._"

"Oh sweet Goddess of all that is nice and sugary! Reid you are just the sweetest thing ever!"

"Will you just please let my diary alone and leave." Reid looked at Prentiss with big teary eyes. She smiled back.

"How can we? I'm skipping some pages to get to some more action... He keeps writing about his mother... Right! _I am more certain about the love part now. I have recently realized that I tend to seek approval at and in some occasions even shiver when he touches me..._" Garcia squealed for the umpteenth time that afternoon.

"HE?"

Prentiss looked at Reid too her eyes big and excited.

"Is it someone we know?" Garcia inquired.

"I really don't want to tell you. Please leave, my guests will arrive at any moment now!"

"Reid, if you don't tell anything, I'll just keep reading until we find out." Prentiss said in an assuring voice.

Reid sighed. "Yes you know him... Please go n..."

"READ ON! Oh my GOD Spencer! Who is it – no Emily read on! I think it's going to get reeeeaaally good now!"

Prentiss gave Reid a look but he recognized that wicked glint of her eyes. He stopped struggling as he realized there were no way out.

"Um... Mother... Work... Here! _I have come to a decision. Even though I am quite certain that he will not return my feelings I have decided that I will confess my feelings to him. I will only do it because a good friend of mine once said that I did not have any dates because I did not ask anyone out. I then realized that I could not argue with her logic._"

"Oh Sweet Cheeks – this stuff is amazing!" Prentiss nodded keeping her eyes in the text looking for the next earth-shattering toe-curling moment of Reid's life. Her smile widened.

"Oh... Oh, Garcia! This is... Oh... _I think I just might be the happiest man in the world. I confessed my feelings while we were in the gym and at first he just looked at me with a puzzled expression on his face, but then he pulled me close and (and I still blush at the thought) kissed me! I do realize that we were the only people present, but I still think that it was a very bold move to kiss another man in the middle of the FBI. Afterwards he told me that he returned my feelings. We are going on a date tomorrow night after work_."

Reid buried his head in his arms. If these mean women didn't stop anytime soon he might actually start crying. _HE_ didn't even know about his secret diary.

"Spill it Pretty Boy! Who is it? Is it one on the team?" Garcia was not going to move before the skinny boy spilled some actual facts and if there were _two _homosexual males on her team – now was the right time to tell it.

Reid didn't reply or even move.

"Is it that really buff good-looking guy from Human Resources?" Prentiss inquired.

"Hank Rearden?" Garcia wanted to know.

"Yeah – him. I always kind of got this gay-vibe from him, you know?"

Garcia nodded absently and then lit up.

"Or is it one of those big guys from Counterterrorism? I always thought that they were a bit too interested in each others bodies considering what's appropriate for straight males," she explained to Prentiss. Reid was still dead silent. Prentiss frowned at looked at his still figure with a concerned look. "Is he still breathing?"

"Yes I am – but will you please just leave? I'll tell you everything on Monday!"

"Not going to happen Pumpkin," Garcia beamed and looked expectantly at Prentiss.

"Okay..." She cleared her throat. "_The date was amazing. He had invited me for dinner at his place (he's such an Alpha-Male, so I just let him take the lead. I think he is actually a bit hurt, that he did not get to be the one confessing his feelings first. I find that fact extremely attractive) and we had dinner that he himself had cooked. I have had better meals but never in better company than his. Then we watched Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back even though I know every single line by heart and he probably think that it was dreadfully boring. We ended up not watching the movie but just kissing and (this makes me blush too) touching each other. I got rather excited but even though he did too he insisted on taking me home. I told him that I would like to have intercourse but he just kissed me and said he would not make love to me this early in our relationship. He said he wanted us to go slowly. I think I will..._" Prentiss looked at Reid with shock painted in all of her features. "_I think I will think of him while I pleasure myself tonight._" Garcia gaped at Reid who was praying to any listening deity to just up and kill him at this very moment.

"I never expected you to be so frank about masturbation Sugar Pop!"

"Me neither... I'm just gonna find the next pa... Uhm, Penelope – I don't think I can read this aloud..." Garcia looked at her excitedly.

"What? What does it say?"

Prentiss looked at her two friends. One lying on his stomach covering his head and ears with his arms. The other sitting on top of him looking expectantly her fingers playing with her hair. Prentiss looked back at the diary.

"_We had sex tonight._" She looked at Garcia. Her eyes were wide. "_I finally got tired of waiting, so I went to his apartment and told him that I wanted him and if he did not want to have intercourse (or make love to me as he keeps calling it) with me, I would just have to force him in to it. That made him slam the door and press me up against the wall as he kissed me with a hunger I had not experienced in him before. His hands started to unbuckle... _I can't do this Garcia..." The red-head in question looked at her brunette friend in disbelief.

"Why not? This is absolutely delicious!"

"But... You don't understand! This is just so... Passionate! I almost can't remember when I had sex last and this..." She looked at the pages describing the sexual act in details. "This is just so graphic... And good!"

"God, girlfriend! That is sad! Give it to me – I'll read it then!"

Prentiss tossed the book at her friend and leaned back in the couch closing her eyes. Garcia flipped through the pages.

"What page are we on?"

"I don't know... May I think?" Garcia gave her a slightly annoyed look.

"Ooh – here's the date, then the sex should be..." She went quiet when they heard a key unlocking the door. Reid's arms moved revealing a pale face with eyes shining with terror. Garcia looked at the door to the hall without blinking, afraid she might miss something important if she did. Prentiss turned to face the door too. She was very curious of who had done those things that Reid had written about.

"I'm back, Pretty Boy." Prentiss' mouth fell open. Garcia's eyes grew even wider. "They didn't have any sweet potatoes, so we'll just have to do with normal ones." They sat in quiet as they heard someone completely unexpected move around in the hall. Reid buried his hands in his hands terrified of the turn of events.

Prentiss and Garcia watched intently as the door slowly opened and a big black man showed up his eyes fixed on the grocery bags in his hands.

"But they did have that special brand of lube that you keep talking abou..." He had looked up and stopped talking when he took in the scene.

"Morgan?" Two female voices exclaimed in unison. Reid was certain that he would wake up any moment. This was simply too embarrassing to not be a dream.

* * *

><p><strong>I dig MorganReid**


	2. Dirty Little Secret

**Title: **Dirty Little Secret **  
>Fandom: <strong>Criminal Minds**  
>CharactersPairing: **Morgan/Reid, Prentiss, Rossi  
><strong>Genre: <strong>Romance/Drama  
><strong>Rating: <strong>T  
><strong>Summary: <strong>Reid and Morgan have sort of a 'relationship', but very different attitudes towards it.  
><strong>Author's Note: <strong>So this little thing was inspired by the afore mentioned song. It just made me think: Why is it always Morgan who has the upper hand? What if Reid for once was the on calling the shots?  
><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>Criminal Minds aren't mine, and the song Dirty Little Secret isn't either. I think someone called The All-American Rejects claimed that one when the made it.

**xXx**

Derek reached over and brushed a drop of sweat of his lover's forehead with a casual movement.

"You really gave it all you had in you, Pretty Boy." He couldn't help a soft smile from erupting on his face at the younger man's breathlessness.

He in turn smirked and propped himself up on his elbow. "I always do that. If it isn't worth giving it your everything, it isn't worth doing."

Derek gave a deep laugh. "That's a philosophy that really fits your personality." He climbed off the bed and started getting dressed. Spencer stayed in bed and watched him with big appreciating eyes. He especially liked the way Derek's muscles worked on his back when he pulled on his pants.

And his ass too. Delicious it was indeed.

"When are you going to come over again?"

"I don't know... I'm gonna meet the boys for a game." Derek glanced at his wristwatch and frowned.

"Shit, and I'm gonna be late if I don't hurry up."

Spencer rose and pulled on his underwear before walking after Derek who had disappeared through the door. He found him pulling his jacket on getting ready to leave.

"What are you going to say to them?"

"I'll probably blame Clooney." Derek gave Spencer a brief smile and gave himself a one-over in the mirror. "Shit, no I'll have to come up with something better than that. And you need to start to control yourself!" The last part was accompanied with a scowl as Derek softly ran his fingers over a bruise on his neck.

"Hi I'm Sascha, I met you in the drug store down the corner and I think you're fuckhot." Spencer said in a high-pitched voice and smiled as leaned against the wall. He liked the flustered look Derek was sporting.

"Well, thank you Sascha. That story will have to do..." A smirk slid onto Derek's face and Spencer gave an internal sigh. _Derek the Dog._

"And now, get a move on. Bros before hos I believe is your motto or something."

Derek turned and faced Spencer with a hurt look in his eyes. "I'll always choose you before any of them."

"But that doesn't mean that you should be late on purpose. And I have a life to tend to when you've left. So please."

"Please, Spencer. You're not a booty-call, you know that."

"Yes, I know. I'm so much more and you have my back and we're not just fuck buddies and please, I'm expecting company in half an hour and I really need to shower first." The smug smile returned on Derek's face as he pulled the younger man close and pressed a soft kiss to his lips.

"I'll leave right away. Call me if you want me to come by later, okay?"

"Sure. Now go."

Derek kissed him once more before leaving, a big grin on his face.

Why did it have to be that bothersome sometimes, Spencer mused to himself as he stepped into the shower and started washing of that easily recognized smell of sex. It had started as such a good idea.

Coming out to Morgan had seemed like such a good idea, and he had been very understanding about it.

Everything had been ass usual. He didn't change just because he came out, neither did the job or their relationship. So when Derek had turned up outside his door it had been quite a surprise. A pleasant surprise, but a surprise nonetheless.

Sex was a surprisingly effective way to deal with the stress he had discovered.

Someone ought to look into that sometime.

**xXx**

"You look oddly content. My mind keeps comparing you to a kitten that just finished a big bowl of milk. Guitly pleasure-ish."

"There's no such word as pleasureish." Reid didn't lift his head from the file in front if him. He knew that Prentiss's eyes would have a curious glint and that she would be resting her chin in her hand.

"You're avoiding my question, therefore I must be right. Have you been a baaad boy?" Reid sighed and straightened in his chair running his hand through his short hair. Sometimes he missed his long locks.

"Don't you think I'm a bit too old to be called a boy. I'm almost 30 you know."

"And again you avoid answering my question which means yes. What did you do? Have you gotten yourself a girlfriend?"

"I haven't gotten myself a girlfriend, and this is very unprofessional behavior. Don't you have anything better to do?" He could feel Morgan's eyes on him and hid a smug smile. _Don't worry Casanova, I won't spill your secret. It's mine too after all._

"A boyfriend then?" Reid frowned at Prentiss. Was he too obvious? Judging my her surprised and amused facial expression he hadn't been obvious before now. "You've got a boyfriend! Reid! I didn't know that you were gay! When di..."

"DEREK MORGAN!" Almost every person in the bullpen jumped as a big excited red-head flung the doors open and charged at the defenseless black man. "Is it true?" She demanded at a more reasonable level when she had gotten closer. Morgan look terrified.

"Is what true?"

"That you turned down Annette Toole? The really hot brunette from 5th floor?"

"Yeah I guess..." Morgan had started to fiddle with his pen and Reid hid his amusement again. He would have to take responsibility for that. He just might have ruined his colleague for the gentle sex. He sincerely doubted that his friend would rediscover the delights the female body provided him after Reid's thorough treatment.

"Oh my sweet deity colleague! Why?" Garcia all but fainted from excitement and almost stuffed her entire hand into her mouth to stop from squealing.

"I'm kinda seeing someone and want to see where that thing goes." _Oh, really?_

Garcia was rendered speechless. "You're seeing someone?" Morgan nodded. "Exclusively?" Morgan looked briefly at Reid but let his eyes glance to Prentiss too before looking back at Garcia. You had to give it to the man – _he_ certainly wasn't all that obvious.

"Let's just say this situation is very new to me, and I would like to give it the time it needs to see where it goes."

Garcia drew a sharp breath and staggered to Prentiss's desk and leaned heavily against it. "I don't think I can take it, Emily. The world is changing too fast. I can't keep up with it."

"I know exactly how you feel," Prentiss exclaimed in quiet voice. Reid could hear them only because he was sitting so close. He doubted Morgan could hear anymore than the muttered voice. He glanced over at his secret lover and found him to be looking at him. Reid looked away and bit his lip to keep from smiling.

He really ought to get back to the file he was working on.

"YOU'RE GAY?"

He really ought to listen to the conversation when it was those two having it too.

"Do you have to yell it?"

"But are you?" Garcia was at his side faster than he could say ass-pirate. But then again, he would never use that word.

"Yes I am."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"No, I don't have a boyfriend. But I did have sex during the weekend. A lot. Now, can we get back to work?" Reid resolutely returned his eyes to the papers in front of him, but Garcia didn't leave. "What?"

"You had...? But I... We all!" Reid frowned at Garcia's stuttered ramble.

"You still thought I was a virgin?" She nodded with a blush creeping to her cheeks. He sighed. "This really isn't the time to talk about this, but I think we should just clear up, that I, Spencer Reid, am not a virgin, nor have I been for several years. Now, can we start working?"

**xXx**

"I was impressed by the way you handled the girls today." Reid sighed soundlessly and turned to his other side so he was facing the other man.

"I didn't do anything out of the ordinary. I didn't want to tell them more than I had to, so I didn't."

"Maybe I should hang around and try to pick up some of your tricks. Apparently I can use it." He didn't try to hide his smile this time.

"Apparently. For a moment I was afraid that you would actually tell on us."

Morgan rubbed his face with an exasperated sigh. "For a moment I was close. It's just so hard to lie to Penelope. She knows me too well."

"I know she does. But don't tell her. I wouldn't want to regret doing this with you." He ignored Morgan's frown and returned his back against his chest. He intended to keep this 'relationship' a secret.

Morgan wasn't ready to come out.

In any way possible.

And personally he quite enjoyed the thrill of keeping it secret.

It was just so much easier to enjoy the present when you didn't have to care about other peoples' opinions.


	3. My Life Is A Teenage Drama

**Title: **My Life Is A Teenage Drama**  
>Fandom: <strong>Criminal Minds**  
>CharactersPairing:**  
><strong>Genre: <strong>Romance/Humor  
><strong>Rating: <strong>T  
><strong>Summary: <strong>Romance isn't easy, and sometimes you decide not to act on it. Like when you fall in love with your best friend. Fortunately infatuations pass. Or they do in the books anyway. MxR SLASH. Mention of sex and slight Twilight-bashing.  
><strong>Author's Note: <strong>So I was watching some different fanvids on YouTube and realized that I hadn't written any CM for entirely too long! So I though for a bit and decided to start writing and see what happened :D  
>This, I did not see coming.<br>**Disclaimer: **CM is not my property, although I'm not the least bit uncertain that I could do so much better than the current owners. Even if they decided to bring JJ back (yay – JJ!).  
><strong>Warning: <strong>Mentions of awkward teenage sex and slight Twilight bashing (no offense! It's kinda my guilty pleasure and all that, but do you really think that Reid would like the books? Me neither...).

**xXx**

It all started a day when Reid came in a bit late and everyone stared at him, the only thing keeping them from actually gaping being their professionalism.

Actually, that's actually not the way it really went. It was more like JJ had alerted the others with a surprised "hello," that made them turn in their seats and then Hotch had frowned and asked whether he had joined a boy band.

Reid was probably the only one that didn't understand the joke.

Rossi shook his head, Prentiss played it cool, Hotch kept frowning, JJ smiled with a sense of motherly pride, Penelope smirked thoughtfully, and Morgan laughed it off.

Because, really. What do you do when you see a coworker through several years and you stomach all of a sudden decides it should do a weird lurch like that?

So of course he laughed it off.

When Morgan thought about it now, that episode was the absolute only thing he remembered from that case, and that scared him more than he though it should. He hoped he hadn't acted too weird and that he hadn't stared as much at his friend that he suspected he had. He really hoped that no one had realized that slight changes in his behavior. He really really hoped that this weird physiological reaction he experienced every time Reid entered a room, talked, and especially smiled was just a passing phase that he would get over eventually.

Soon, preferably.

Morgan slung his jacket over his chair and walked determinedly to the coffeemaker, hungering for the first cup of liquid energy, mentally cursing his own coffee machine for breaking down and his working hours for not allowing him to go out and buy a new one yet.

It had been an entire damn week!

He smiled to JJ as she passed through the bullpen on the way to her office and nodded at Prentiss when she settled down at her desk with a big cup from Starbucks. Rossi and Morgan locked eyes briefly when the former walked briskly to his office, an expensive thermo in hand. The open door to Hotch's office showed that he was already present and Morgan took a deep breath and stiffened himself for the inevitable.

He would go out this weekend and pick up some fine lady and take her home. He was certain that _it_ would work properly this time. He had just been stressed last time, and it could happen to everyone.

He would know.

He had spent two hours on the Internet praying that he hadn't suddenly gone impotent, even if he deep down knew it wasn't the case. It's just, that sometimes a man gotta be completely sure about something. Especially when considering his masculinity and his ability to make bab-

Lurchy feeling! That could only mean one thing.

He looked up at the door and wondered for a short second how his body could know before his mind did, and then every thought was wiped away as a tall, lanky man entered the room with a small wave and a smile in his direction. Morgan couldn't help but grin back trying his utmost to keep the goofy quality at bay.

He topped his cup off before returning to the collection of desks closest to Hotch's office, now fighting to keep the swagger in his step to a minimum.

Damn you, lady killer instincts!

"Morning Prentiss, Reid," he said casually, giving the woman a smile before fixing his gaze where it longed to linger.

Prentiss gave him a small smile in reply and drank deep from her cup. Reid pulled his messenger back over his head and fixed a big smile at Morgan.

"Good morning," he smiled briefly and sat his foam cup on the desk. A cup Morgan hadn't even noticed as of yet. He patted the younger man's shoulder and his stomach was suddenly filled with something like butterflies only bigger and more insistent.

He really, really, really hoped that these feelings was just a passing phenomenon.

He sincerely doubted that they were.

**xXx**

It had all started in Alaska.

Well, if he had to be honest, that wasn't true.

He had realized in Alaska. Realized that his best friend had the power to hurt him more than any gun shot, to make him feel more devastated and hopeless than any bad trip he had experienced.

With mere words Derek Morgan had made his, Dr. Spencer Reid's heart weep with pain.

He supposed he shouldn't be surprised. Morgan's opinion had always been the most important, even when Gideon was still on the team, and it had always been his friendship Reid had valued the highest.

Of course he would be the one he fell in love with.

The love-part wasn't surprising, he had known for a long time that he loved him, just like he loved his mother, Hotch, JJ, Prentiss, Rossi, and Garcia. They were his family, of course he loved them.

But he had absolutely no clue as to when he _fell in love _with him. He supposed it had been gradually. No love at first sight or sudden flash of lightning when Morgan smiled to him.

It had probably grown with every time Morgan had been there for him, through better or worse.

It had been waiting on the sideline when Reid slowly had realized that his lack of experienced with the opposite sex probably had something to do with the fact, that he wasn't exactly interested in it. Not in that way.

Everything made perfect sense after the realization and the deep hurt Morgan's bold declaration that he didn't want to sleep with him had brought.

Not that it made him feel any better.

Reid got of the train at his stop and started towards the bureau, still in deep thought.

He wasn't expecting anything though. A long afternoon spent in the youth department in the local library had shown that first love wasn't supposed to be requited and that he actually had something to learn from teenagers.

It had been an odd day he had spent then. He had stared helplessly on the bookshelves for a whole half hour, not sure how to begin until a merciful, pimpled fourteen year-old had decided to help him begin and had shoved a stack of poorly written dramas in his hand and told him to start with them. When she had noticed his reading pace she had found another stack and told him to read those after he was done with the first stack.

The first stack of books had been about first love.

The second about first times.

He had never been that _uncomfortable_ before. He had been terrified that someone he knew would magically appear while he was reading about how a boy clumsily had felt around after the intended hole between the legs of an older girl.

He had been horrified. Utterly and completely horrified.

The pimpled, but helpful girl had turned out to be working at the library and she had smiled gracefully and nodded when Reid had found her after finishing the last book and asked her in a hushed voice if the perhaps had any book pertaining the relationship between those of the same gender. His to be more specific.

And she had found a third stack of books, this one not as big but surprisingly better written.

When he had packed his things to go home, she had appeared again and shoved a new, thicker book into his hands and whispered that she had checked it out in her name, and if he returned it late she would hunt him down and tell all of his friends about his research. Reid had nodded furiously and after a short look at the front page he had shoved it deep into his messenger bag and left the library with burning reed cheeks.

It was a nonfiction book about sex between men.

He had finished it immediately when he returned home and returned it the next day hidden in a stack of books he had borrowed but not read yet.

He had caught sight of the girl on his way out and had nodded to her making her smile greatly in return.

It wasn't until a month after he realized he had received help from a girl half his age, who obviously knew a lot more about relationships, love and (he scratched his neck uncomfortably and crossed the lobby on his way to the elevators) sex.

After some brief calculations done with the first stack of books as background, he had concluded that he would be in love with Morgan for 4.37 months, although the average crush in the books had lasted for 3-5 month. But then there had been the novel about the girl who was in love with the boy next door and had been for years.

She had also ended up killing herself, which Reid had decided he would not do under any circumstances. No matter how many women Morgan brought home and how much it made Reid's heart ache.

He wouldn't pull a Bella Swan either, and turn catatonic because his feelings weren't returned. He knew he eventually would get over his infatuation and then he was more likely to grow feelings for someone who would reciprocate. Statistically anyway.

He entered the elevator with several other people and ran a hand through his hair, still slightly surprised at the length.

He wasn't sure how he felt about his new haircut. It was the library girl who had told him to get it. He had returned some days later and had apparently given her a look that made her push her book filled trolley down to the youth section and settle on a chair, patiently waiting for him to pour his heart out.

Which he had done.

She had then told him to go out and do something new and unexpected. She had pointed out that you needed a catalyst. It was always the new boy or girl, or a new haircut, a new crush or a new situation that lead someone to realize they had feelings for that other someone.

Reid had replied that he believed it to be highly unlikely that Morgan would return his feelings, and he expected them to dissolve with time.

The girl had raised an eyebrow and said that trying hadn't hurt anybody, and that he could probably use the change. Love interest or not. She had also said that only old ladies fell in love with old men, so he better stop dressing like one. And that only little girls liked little boys, so he better grow a pair and some hairs on them.

Which had left Reid speechless and blushing as she patted his shoulder and returned her work.

So he had gone out and gotten a haircut. And even if it hadn't been surprising, it had still hurt when everyone had looked at him with disbelief and Morgan actually laughed.

He entered the bullpen and waved at Morgan who was standing by the coffeemaker, like the days before, and made his way to his desk across from Prentiss'. She looked up and smiled tiredly, sipping from her Starbucks cup before resuming reading the papers in front of her.

"Morning Prentiss, Reid." Reid looked up at Morgan and pulled his bag over his head awkwardly before setting his cup down on his desk.

"Good morning," he said and dropped his bag beside his chair. Morgan looked thoughtfully at him for a moment before patting his shoulder.

A shiver ran from his scalp to his feet, taking the route along his spine back up again, so it could run down his arms, leaving goosebumps in its wake before settling as a slight tingle in his fingertips.

He looked very much forward to when his feelings faltered and he suspected it to happen soon. He had been aware that he was in love with Morgan, his best friend, for three and a half month now, it was only a matter of weeks.

He wondered how his love would die out.

Would he meet someone else, who wiped out all remaining feelings?

Was Morgan going to bring home The Woman and break Reid's heart so bad it couldn't beat for anyone for the next few months before the next victim of his affection would appear?

Would it be that one day Morgan would smile at him, and the tingles and shivers wouldn't happen?

Or would it perhaps be like in that ridiculous book where the heroine woke up and realized it had been a dream, because that had been a very upsetting and surprising turn of events, and it had almost made him angry how an author could stoop to that level and didn't have the decency to come up with a proper ending. There were a lot of untied ends, and it still made Reid agitated thinking about it.

He took a deep breath to calm his temper and looked up to find Morgan looking worriedly at him.

A couple of weeks, and the butterflies would disappear, he was sure. Perhaps, if he could only remember how far back the infatuation went, he could come up with something more accurate. There was Alaska, probably back when he was shot in the knee too, he supposed he was slightly infatuated with him too when he and Rossi helped him work out the case about Riley.

Suddenly something cold ran down his back, something very much resembling that of dread and fear.

He had been in love with him when Tobias Hankel had kidnapped him. He remembered thinking not to depend on Morgan, because it would hurt him too much if he failed.

But that meant that... That he had been in love with Morgan for years.

His feelings weren't going to fade in some weeks, his feelings were going to last and make him tense up and feel giddy every time Morgan was near him.

"Reid?" Morgan got up from his chair, the worry in his eyes intensifying.

Reid was going to be in love with Morgan forever.

He _was_ pulling a Bella Swan! This was never going to end – he was lucky he hadn't turned catatonic although he _knew_ that Morgan wouldn't reciprocate. Now he had to go out and starting doing extreme sports with a shapeshifter who was in love with him, and it was all so incredibly poorly written.

Morgan crouched next to Reid's chair but he didn't notice. He was too concentrated on hyperventilating and realizing he would never love another man.

"Reid," Morgan said and snapped his fingers in front of his friends face, finally drawing him from his panic attack. "You okay, man?"

"No," Reid gasped, grasping a tight hold on his desk as everything seemed to swim before his eyes. "You're Edward Cullen." He pushed his chair out from the desk and rushed to the bathroom, his hand pressed to his mouth.

**xXx**

Morgan had been called a lot of things throughout his life, Penelope Garcia being in charge or the majority.

Edward Cullen was definitely a new one.

"Um," he heard a hesitant voice say behind him, and he turned slightly to look at the frowning Prentiss. "Did he just call you Edward Cullen?"

"I think so," Morgan replied just as hesitant. The both stared at the door for a moment.

"Does he even know who that _is_?" Prentiss asked, now sounding incredulous instead.

"I don't know. I guess?" was he only reply, as Morgan was still busy staring holes in the glass doors.

"Someone ought to go check on him, he looked pretty shaken up," Prentiss stated and Morgan nodded. After an expectant pause she continued, "I'm pretty sure he went to the men's room. That someone has to be you."

"You're right." Morgan got up from crouching position and all but ran after his friend.

He found him in the men's room, sitting on the floor under the sink shivering with his knees pressed to his chest.

"Reid, man? Are you okay?" Reid's brown eyes, wide with fear, snapped up to Morgan's face. "Reid?"

"No! No I'm not! My life is a poorly written teenage romance containing vampires and wolf-shaped shapeshifters! How can I possibly be okay?"

Morgan's eyebrows flew halfway up his forehead in surprise. Not only was Reid still in the middle of some sort of panic attack, but he also was very much aware of _who_ Edward Cullen was. He wasn't sure whether to be flattered or insulted.

"Um," he said instead and crouched down in front of his best friend and the cause of some weird stuff going on in his body. It was happening at that very moment actually. "What?"

"Don't you get it?" Reid asked, his voice shrill with emotions. "I'm Bella Swan!"

"You're Bella Swan?" Morgan considered the possibility that Reid had fallen into some sort of fiction induced psychosis.

"Yes," he answered with conviction.

"And I'm... Edward Cullen?" Reid nodded, and Morgan noticed how tears started welling up in his eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Morgan. Really, I am," Reid muttered and rested his forehead on his knees. Morgan bit the inside of his cheek, as he quickly analyzed the situation and trying to decipher just exactly _what_ Reid meant.

"Oh," he breathed finally, a smile growing on his face and his stomach doing a triple somersault with happiness. "Is that really that bad?"

Reid looked up, his cheeks a streaked from tears and his eyes clearly showing his confusion. Morgan's smile grew wider and he wrapped his had around the back of Reid's neck and pulled him up, so their lips could meet. It was slow, sweet, and a bit wet, but after a shocked moment Reid was kissing back tentatively, his legs falling out to the sides, so he could pull Morgan down and closer and suddenly there were a lot of groping and licking, a bit of biting, and probably some heavy breathing too until a discreet cough behind them made Morgan jump back.

"Hotch wants us in the conference room," Rossi said, not trying very hard to hide his smirk. He turned on his heels and closed the door, leaving Morgan and Reid to look around uncomfortably, both uncertain as to what happened and what to do next.

"Alright," Morgan finally said and got to his feet. "We better join the others."

"Yeah," Reid replied and got to his feet too, albeit a bit slower than Morgan had – he was still feeling a bit dizzy. He looked down at his feet and Morgan smiled at the sight.

"Come on," he said and grabbed Reid's hand before pushing the door open and leading him out.


	4. Emotional Turmoil

**Title: **Emotional Turmoil**  
>Fandom: <strong>Criminal Minds**  
>CharactersPairing:** Morgan/Reid, Garcia, Morgan's emotions  
><strong>Genre: <strong>Humor/Romance

**Rating: **T**  
>Summary:<strong>Derek don't know how to deal with the way's he's feeling lately. Fortunately the feelings themselves and a certain helpful Tech-Goddess aren't scared of helping him. If only they all weren't so screwed up! SLASH, language.

**Disclaimer: **What can I say? 'Tis not mine, although I wish it were.

**Author's Note: **I don't know what's going on in my head lately! Again I just suddenly felt like writing some Sperek and something just happens! My roommate LOL'ed because of my story instead of my lame typos for once!

**Advice: **Oh yeah – and the _italics_ are when the emotions talk... But you'll figure that out pretty quickly.

**xXx**

The process Derek Morgan had gone through as he realized he wasn't exactly straight as an arrow anymore hadn't been fun. It had been long and angsty and disturbingly filled with nights lying sleepless balled up in his bed, with Clooney happily sleeping on the floor next to him.

It also contained a lot of guilt.

Frank Buford had been a lot of his mind.

The themes he was involved with were the worst ones, and included several situations with his insecurity and reason in heated discussion.

His insecurity would go: _It can't be. I can't be gay! That would mean that I liked what Buford did to me._

To which his reason would reply: _Don't be a woman. Of course you didn't enjoy what he did to you. He was a monster and he will rot in Hell for all of eternity._

Insecurity wouldn't listen though and continue with thoughts like: _But if I'm gay, it'll mean that I like getting _it_ in the you-know-what. That's what being gay is all about, right?_

Then Reason sighed: _It could also mean that you like _giving_ it in the ass_ (here Reason and Libido would high five), _and be honest with yourself here. You _liked_ it those times_!

Because Derek Morgan, angsty as he might be at the moment, still was a ridiculously attractive male, and some women out there were very experimenting and not opposed to anal-sex, he had discovered.

Some of them had actually offered it on their own initiative.

_But_, his insecurity would whine,_ those times were with women, you can't argue against that._

Reason was seriously considering kicking the mind's ass at this point: _And you can't say without lying that you don't find the male body attractive. Come on, you know how hot we get when we see Spe-_

_DON'T say it_! The insecurity would interrupt and Reason rolled it's eyes.

It continued talking, even if it was only a concept and concepts in reality can't talk, but Derek Morgan didn't care at this point: _We still want to nail his skinny ass._

Insecurity shrunk into itself in shame and whispered: _But that means that, that time with Buford, that perhaps we weren't as opposed as we should have been._

The glare Reason was directing at the insecurity would have fried a couple of circuits if it weren't for the fact that they weren't real: _You have got to stop doing that. You aren't stupid_ (he knew that because they were the same person), _so face the facts. No straight woman who's been raped enjoyed it-_

_No, but-_

_No buts! Straight women like sex with men, but they don't like to be forced. We want to have crazy monkey sex with men, that _doesn't_ mean that we liked getting Frank fucking Buford's old fucking dick stuffed into our poor virgin asshole_ (which agreed with a loud "Hear!" down from the nether regions). _So stuff your arguments and face the facts: we like cock._

_But not Buford cock_? The insecurity was more than a bit intimidated – it was getting some unfriendly looks from other parts of Derek's body.

_Definitely not Buford cock._

Insecurity had silently nodded and considered that Reason usually did make sense.

And then Derek slowly began to accept his growing fondness for his own sex. And their genitalia.

He still had his angsty episodes though, and what do you do when you late in the afternoon some Saturday decide that your entire world is falling apart and that nothing was like it was supposed to be?

If you're a man you mope around.

If you're a woman you talk about it with your girlfriends.

If you're Derek Morgan you mope around in your apartment for several hours before finally giving in and leaving your confused and upset dog to drive to the only person who can give you the answers you need: Your God Given Solace.

In other words, he went to see Penelope Garcia, because he previously had had very good experience with the whole talking things through with her, and he supposed that _if_ he really was gay, he would have to talk about his feelings.

That was the kind of stuff gays liked to do. Besides having fun with other men's dicks.

Or so he'd heard anyway.

So he went to see the only person who could save him and it went something like this:

"Hi there, Chocolate Stud Muffin. I wasn't expecting you!" Garcia smiled happily as her favorite Door Kicking Chocolate Gateau had shown to be the one who had come knocking on her door.

"I think I'm attracted to men."

"Come inside."

And this is probably the place to mention that when Penelope Garcia called herself 'Goddess of the All-Knowing', she was so close to being right as humanly possible. The stories hidden on her hard drive about a certain two FBI-agents having sweaty and rushed after near-death sex was very much like some of the fantasies a certain milk chocolate colored FBI-agent was having during his happy time in the shower.

Which happened on a daily basis now.

Garcia pulled a glittery notebook from a drawer and picked a pink pen with feathers on the end from a cup on her desk before sitting in a deep armchair and gesturing for Derek Morgan, her best friend and confidante, to lay down on her couch.

Which he did after a bit of frowning.

"So," she started with a stern look at him over the edge of her glasses. "You think you're attracted to men?"

"No." Derek sighed heavily and stared at the ceiling. "I don't _think_ I'm attracted to them. I'm pretty sure I know."

"Hmm." It was a disapproving sound and he knew he had to do better or else [else: undefined, but surely very scary and possibly painful action done by the threatener to the threatenee].

"Okay, I _am_ attracted to men." Garcia nodded and started drawing a circle on her notebook. She continued by adding eyes and a big pouty mouth as Derek shifted in the uncomfortable silence.

"Does that upset you?" she asked and looked up from drawing a lot of eyelashes to fix a professional look on the man on her couch.

"I guess it does." Morgan admitted after a small pause. Garcia drew a big curly hair around the face and looked up to nod to Derek. "I've just always considered myself being, you know – a ladies-man... You know?"

"I don't know – do I?" She had her tongue in her cheek as she carefully drew the dress. This was going to be a princess she decided, and made it floor length.

"I don't know, I've just always taken home a lot of women, and it was fun – I swear! I always enjoyed it!"

"Do you still want to bring home women?" Garcia asked absentmindedly as she decorated the dress and drew a tiara on top of the hair. Princess Penelope, she wrote over the drawing and admired it briefly before shifting her attention to the quiet form on her couch. "Well?"

"I guess," Derek started. "But perhaps not... Not as much as I used to."

"So you're not a total fruitcake?"

"I'm not a total what? No – no I still like women! I still love breasts and you're still the most beautiful woman I've ever seen!" He winked and Garcia scowled back.

"Gay men acknowledge female beauty too. Some of them dig tits too, but none like the vagina part."

Derek might have flinched a bit at the crude words.

"Hmm." Garcia decided to do something rash as her friend stared thoughtfully at her ceiling. She left her chair and quickly straddled him on her couch. He snapped from his thoughts quickly and stared at her in horror.

"Do you want to have sex?" she crooned and leaned forward so Derek got a good look down her deep cleavage. She licked her lips seductively. "Do you want to fuck?"

"Er, Baby Girl. What are you doing?" Derek hesitantly after clearing his voice and trying to move out under her body.

She smirked and crawled off his lap to sit on the other end of the couch. "You need to face the facts, Love Brownie - you're a total fruitcake."

Derek replied by sighing heavily, rubbing his eyes and staring dejectedly at his feet. "Shit," he groaned. "You might be right."

"Excuse me!" Garcia said with mock insult. "Are you forgetting who you're talking to?"

"Sorry, Mama," Derek said with a smile and pulled her in for an awkward hug. "Sometimes I forget."

"I forgive you, but what are you going to do about Reid?" she asked against his chest.

"Reid?" Derek pulled away, obviously confused.

"Yeah, you know he's gay too?"

"He is?"

"Gay as West Side Story."

"What?"

"Never mind," she sighed. "But what are you going to do?"

"I have no idea," Derek admitted, pressed a soft kiss against Garcia's forehead and then he left her apartment.

She went straight to her laptop where she wrote three dramatic love confessions ending in steaming, hot love-making.

Derek went home where he comforted the still slightly upset dog and spent the rest of the night staring at the dark TV and contemplating life and love and those silly little coincidences that might and might not work in his favor.

He didn't act on his newfound knowledge and admission, Insecurity still had quite the hold on him.

Although it was Reason holding him back the next time he wasn't sure what to do.

It was in Podunk, Wyoming, the local motel didn't have enough rooms, and Derek hadn't been quick enough to declare that he didn't want to sleep with Reid.

It would have been a lie too.

He really wanted to sleep with Reid.

Like _really, _really.

And _sleep_, sleep.

He had supposed they could have some brotherly bonding talk.

And they did for a nice long hour before Reid declared that he was tired and wanted to go to bed and _pulled off his shirt_.

Blood rushed from Derek's face as a sudden part awoke with a roar.

Literally.

Or perhaps not an actual roar – more like a loud whistle and shrill "Look at that!"

Derek didn't know why he thought his dick would talk like that, but when facing the facts – Derek was from the ghetto and no matter how high he climbed in society, there was one part of him that would _never_ let go of his ghetto attitude.

His penis.

Reid smiled shyly and crouched down to get his pajamas out of his bag.

_Oooooooh_, Dick said with admiration. _Look at that _ass._ Mmmh! What I would do to get a piece of that! What are we waiting for?_ It looked up in expectation.

_We aren't waiting for anything_, Reason declared and crossed it's metaphorical arms. _He's our friend and we will not do _anything_ that you want to do – especially not _that_! _

Dick was sending some very vivid images of just _what_ he wanted to do with the ass placed above Reid's delectable legs.

_Don't deny it_, the swiftly hardening body part said casually. _You'd want nothing more than for me to bury myself deep between those sweet- _

_Language_! Reason was more than insulted at Dick's rude behavior and the actual body part with the imaginary personality snickered.

_Don't be so uptight – you know you want to_! It winked and Reason scowled back.

_I'm not uptight! I want to, but how do you think Spencer would react if we jumped him like that? _

_He would yelp and then moan when we twist one of his sweet little nipples and lick along the shell of his ear. _

Reason was remarkably silent for quite a while as it shot a longing glance at the young man frantically going through his bag for the third time.

_No_, it said quietly at last. _No. We can't just jump him – he deserves more! He deserves to be wooed and taken on dates and chaste kisses at his front door-_

_And sloppy make-outs in supply closets at work and sex on the back seat of our car and _**now**_, Goddammit!_ Both Reason and Derek himself was left a bit dry in their mouths.

Reason cleared his voice and tried to regain its ability to speak.

"Morgan, do you maybe have a t-shirt or something I could borrow to sleep in? I washed my pajamas this weekend and I appear to have forgotten to pack it again afterwards." Reid smiled pleadingly to Derek.

_Yes, yes_! Reason shouted. _Be the gentleman you are and give him your shirt!_

_No!_ Dick shouted, just as loud. _T__ell him we'd prefer he'd sleep without it. Without _anything_ actually!_

"Sure," Derek said and tried to ignore the triumphant look Reason directed at Dick who glared right back.

In his mind.

Derek pulled his bag into his lap, covering his growing erection, and picked the first t-shirt up he stumbled across. Reid took it with a small smile and for a moment they just stared at each other, both unable to speak or move, until Reid cleared his voice and mumbled something about changing before disappearing into the small bathroom.

Derek's body and mind was silent.

Very silent.

And then.

_He wants it._

_Shut up._

_But he does_! Reason glared down at Dick who looked completely unaffected. _Did you notice the way he looked back at us_?

_Well, yes_, Reason admitted.

_Good! Now, let's get up and wait for him to come out of the door so we can press him against the wall and _bang_ him!_

_No, we will NOT! _

Derek turned his eyes away from the door and starting getting dressed in his own sleeping attire – an old football shirt from college.

_Aw, come on! All of us want it_! Insecurity nodded shyly, Protectiveness shrugged its shoulders at it actually wouldn't mind the dating and slowly building up a relationship, Libido was waving pompoms and doing some obscene dance moves mostly consisting of gyrating its hips, Distrust glared at the dancing emotion and snorted. Reason was immensely glad it was the most powerful emotion Derek possessed and shook its head.

_I do not _care_ what who wants to do. Of course I want to be with him-_

_You sound like a woman_, Dick said and snickered. Libido held up a hand and they high-five'd.

_I don't care! We will not copulate with Reid tonight! _

_But we want to_. Dick's voice was slowly decreasing in volume as blood started to leave the erection and return to where it belonged: the brain.

_It won't happen! _

After several long moments of silence Reason decided that Dick had _finally_ left the building (or rather body) and it smiled with content.

_Now move on, you ridiculous fantasies! And I'm disappointed in you, Insecurity! Don't think we wont talk about this later._

_Sorry_, Insecurity whispered and shuffled after Libido, who had glare so coldly it gave Reason chills before stomping away.

Then Reid left the bathroom, only clad in Derek's shirt and black briefs.

_WOHOO_! Reason sighed at Dick's reappearance and rubbed its eyes.

_Will you leave already? _

_Nope._ Dick smiled cheekily at the tired emotion and started doing a little victory dance. _Dick is back, back again, guess who's back – tell your friend_! Libido joined it quicker than you could spell BJ.

_That's enough!_ Reason glared hard at the dancers. _We're going to bed_!

Derek gave a damn about brushing his teeth and crawled under the sheets after a short good night and a smile to Reid.

_Aw, man!_ Dick complained. _You're ruining everything_!

Derek pressed his eyes hard together and tried to will down the aching erection.

_I'm not ruining_ anything! _I'm making sure we _don't_ ruin everything!_

_Will you shut up with that – I want to fuck that tight ass right now! We all do!_

_Be quiet_! Reason turned around at ducked its head when Love gave it a stern look. _If anyone do anything too rash and destroy this, I will be very disappointed and heartbroken._ _Dick and Libido, stop that ridiculous moving around – this isn't a club. Insecurity, stop moping. Distrust, I'm not even going to start with you_! Love looked tiredly at Reason who looked back with Respect. _Reason_, Love said and sighed.

_Yes, Love?_

_Just... Calm down, okay?_

_Of course!_

Everyone was quiet, as Love curled into itself and Derek let a heartbroken sigh leave his tense body.

God, this was difficult.

_You know it will work out, right?_ Reason asked Love. _He's gay too, and we're the man he has the closest relationship to. He's very likely to fall in love with us too._

_We aren't good enough for him_, Insecurity piped up and was immediately slapped on the head by Dick who was trying his hardest not to disappear. And failing. Insecurity gave it a triumphant smile before Dick finally died down.

Reason looked down on Love and sighed. It was considering if it should do something to comfort Love – stroke its head or something – when the bed dipped and something warm pressed against Derek's back.

"Reid?" Derek's voice was a bit hoarse with surprise and the shock of several emotion stirring inside of him.

"Spencer," the young man whispered against Derek's back. "Call me Spencer, Derek."

"Spencer, what are you doing?" He hoped he wasn't wrong, and to know he needed the other to confirm it.

An arm snaked around Derek's waist and pressed him closer to Spencer. "What do you think?" Derek could hear the smile in his voice and felt one grow on his face in reply.

Love sat up, looking suddenly alert and Reason had to jump back to avoid getting hit on the chin. The alert look turned into a smile and Love looked more peaceful than Reason remembered it to be for a very long time.

It enjoyed the silence, and the fact that Dick hadn't awoken from the close proximity – that truly was a blessing.

"I love you, Derek," a quite voice whispered against Derek's neck.

"I love you too, Spencer."

Something hard pressed against Derek's lower back.

_AAAAAW YEAH! Can we fuck now?_

**xXx**

And now I need you to imagine Insecurity left sitting in the corner silently sobbing and sometimes muttering something that sounds like "And I got hit on my head by a dick!"

Roommate though that was hilarious.

I kinda agree x)


	5. I'm Watching You

**Title: **I'm Watching You**  
>Fandom: <strong>Criminal Minds**  
>CharactersPairing: **Reid/Morgan, Morgan/OCs  
><strong>Genre: <strong>Romance/Drama/Angst  
><strong>Rating:<strong>M  
><strong>Summary: <strong>AU. Spencer watches from the darkness of his office as the man across the street takes home a line of strange people and fuck and discard them. It was so erotic and arousing he never would have thought that it would end up hurting him so much.  
><strong>Author's Note: <strong>A story line I've been thinking about for a while. And a completely new bonus for those of you who chose to check out my Sperek-collection!  
><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>If I owned CM there would be more gay love, less Seaver, and more Girl Power!  
><strong>Warning: <strong>This story contains explicit sex-scenes, and considering that they aren't my forte I sincerely doubt the quality to be wank worthy... But anyway – sex, a bit of masturbation and some voyeurism. Just so you know ;)

**xXx**

Spencer sighed and rolled his shoulders to make the tense muscles loosen up. A brief glance at the clock told him he had been researching for his guest lecture for more than three hours.

With rehearsed movements he saved his document, closed the Internet, and shut down his laptop with a silent snap. The lecture wasn't for another month and a half, but he liked to be in good time and hated feeling unprepared.

He leaned a bit forward on his chair and rested his head in his hands as he looked out into the night. He ought to go to sleep, but somehow he didn't feel tired, and the street lights lit his bedroom and he knew it would make it even harder to fall asleep. Sometimes he really missed the dorms at CalTech, where only the sound of partying students would keep him awake. Those he was able to block out with earplugs or playing one of his classical CD's.

Washington wasn't his home, even if he liked his job at the university and his counseling-work with the FBI. Where his home was, he didn't know. It wasn't Las Vegas which only reminded him of the hard times with his mother and all the bullying, it wasn't California with all the tanned, beautiful people and the professors staring at him with starstruck grimaces, and it wasn't in Washington in his crammed little apartment where his bedroom faced the street and his office window stared right into the windows of the building on the other side of the alley.

Sometimes when Spencer felt restless or didn't know what to read or research he would watch the people in the other building. Their moving around would sometimes inspire him and other times make him feel calm and peaceful. Within the first month after he had moved into his flat he had 'profiled' the inhabitants based on their habits, their furniture, and the state they kept their flats in. That was how he knew that the young pair on the second floor to the left was trying to get pregnant, that the old lady in the apartment below them had just lost his son, and that the black man living exactly across from Spencer was in the police and single.

Of all of Spencer's educations, his degree in psychology was the one that offered him the most entertainment and solved most mysteries when it came to people.

Combined with his mathematics doctorate it was also the reason the FBI had asked him to contribute to some cases with the BAU. He could come up with a fairly accurate geographical profile faster than anyone.

He liked working with the agents too, they were all intelligent people and a few of them had showed to be as well versed in Star Trek as he. They held Trekkie-nights bi-weekly if cases didn't get in the way.

Spencer sighed and decided that he would try some of the meditation exercises he had read about in bed, and see if they could help him to fall asleep – it wasn't healthy for his daily rhythm to be awake at 3.30 A.M. – so he turned of his desk light and pushed his chair out. Right before he stood the light in the policeman's bedroom flickered on and Spencer glanced over to see why he came home that late at night.

He almost sighed at the sight of a the policeman and a beautiful blond tangled together, kissing furiously as they moved slowly towards the bed. Spencer watched as they finally made it to the queen size bed and the woman was pushed down on the bed, twisting wantonly as the man descended slowly and started kissing her neck and down her breasts. His hands moved quickly and pulled off the woman's skirt and trailed down her leg before trailing back up and pulling her top off too.

Spencer watched the policeman breathlessly and paralyzed as he started caressing one breast while he sucked on the other.

He knew he was gay, he had known that since he was 16. He was also aware that he would categorize the policeman as being 'his type' with his broad muscled chest and chocolate colored skin. He could admit to having masturbated a few times to fantasies starring him too. He would never have guessed that watching him copulate with a strange woman would make him as aroused as it did.

When the policeman moved his mouth to the breast closest to the window and trailed his now vacant hand down the womans side, Spencer mimicked the movement. He felt more sensitive than usual as he imagined it would be the man doing it to him and let out a small whimper as he followed the policeman's trail and disappeared in between his legs. He couldn't see what he did to the woman, and no matter how much she seemed to enjoy it, he really didn't think he would find it as arousing as what he imagined he would do if it was between Spencer's legs his hand would disappear. He rubbed his bulge tentatively through his trousers and then quickly unbuckled his belt and unbuttoned his pants when the woman's underwear was pulled down and thrown away. When the policeman's head slid down and was partly hidden between the woman's legs and she threw her head back and arched her back in ecstasy, Spencer pulled his hard cock out of his underwear and stroked it slowly with his right hand, while his left tried to mimic all the movements done by the black man.

After a few breathless moments of pulling his cock while watching the other man perform cunnilingus on the blond woman Spencer felt the tip of his dick moisten with precum. Fortunately this was the moment the black man decided to leave the woman's lap and move up for a deep kiss while he positioned himself and pushed in with a swift movement of his hips. Spencer moaned out loud and started stroking himself with the same speed that the policeman pushed into the woman who wasn't late to arch her back more than Spencer had thought possible and opened her mouth to let out a scream he could almost hear as she came. The black man didn't stop his movements but increased the pace of his thrusts which Spencer matched until the black man stilled and came with tightly closed eyes and a deeply concentrated look on his face.

Spencer came immediately after.

He watched, still panting for his breath, as the black man pulled out of the woman and dropped down next to her. He noticed the sudden lack of touching as the man turned his back to the woman and pulled the cover over his body and the woman turned her back to him too after shooting him a hurt look.

Spencer stayed in his chair for a long time afterwards, his cum drying on his hand and pants.

He could have sworn that the black man had looked at him before closing his eyes and falling asleep.

**xXx**

He sent the article to the editor and smiled softly at the computer screen. It felt nice to be done. The researching phase always captivated him – he loved to gather new knowledge – but completing a task and knowing you had done your best was satisfying beyond compare.

Perhaps not exactly _beyond_ compare. If he was to be perfectly honest he would have to say it was so satisfying that it could almost be compared to the orgasm he had gotten from watching the policeman having sex.

Morgan was his name, D. Morgan. It said so on the door Spencer had found out one day he had passed by and curiosity had gotten the better of him.

It was almost a month since the first time, because there had been more. As Spencer had started staying up later he had realized that D. Morgan beside being a policeman and a dog-owner also was a player that took home several different women every week. And it wasn't always women, he had also a time or two brought home men. Watching Morgan pump in and out of the young man doggy style had been the most erotic thing Spencer had ever seen, and he had come three times that night, one orgasm for each of Morgan's.

Spencer's fantasies had changed after watching Morgan bring the men back to his flat. They had grown more vivid and often centered around him meeting Morgan at a bar, him being brought to Morgan's flat, and him being fucked so thoroughly he would walk funny for a week.

The difference between Spencer's fantasies and the reality for the men Morgan brought home was that Fantasy Morgan always would pull Spencer close after sex, and they would fall asleep facing each other, their arms and legs in a tangled mess.

He gazed longingly at the dark flat across the alley and half hoped, half feared that Morgan would come back dragging a new stranger that he would screw with abandon and sleep with his back turned to.

Spencer liked the way Morgan never failed to look over at his building briefly before going to sleep – it almost felt like he was looking for him. To see if Spencer was watching him having sex.

It made the whole voyeurism act feel more okay and less like something illegal.

But if you had sex with the lights turned on, you practically asked for someone to see you do it. Right?

The moment after finishing the thought the lights in Morgan's bedroom actually turned on and Spencer almost fell down from his chair from surprise. Then he lunged across the desk and snapped the lamp off.

For a moment he thought he went unseen but then Morgan broke the kiss he was sharing with a tall young man, whose build was eerily similar to Spencer's. Spencer stared wide eyed back at Morgan who locked eyes with him. He wondered how the policeman knew he was looking before realizing his laptop still was on and the screen was illuminating him in soft bluish-white light.

He didn't do anything to turn it off though, he just stared in amazement when Morgan started kissing his new partner's neck while keeping his eyes determinedly locked with Spencer's.

He had thought that watching Morgan fucking a man was the most erotic thing he'd ever experience, but as he watched Morgan press the young man against the window and ravish his neck while watching Spencer back, something broke inside of him.

He wanted to be that young man so much in hurt.

Jealousy, anger, and hurt made him certain that if he was granted an opportunity he would hurt Morgan's partner, even if his only crime was not being resistant to the almost divine being.

He couldn't do that now, so he stayed put and watched as Morgan slipped a hand down the stranger's pants and rubbed his ass. They moved to the bed after that, Morgan making sure their positions were so he could watch Spencer watch him through the window, his eyes never straying from his emotionless face.

Spencer wanted to cry and scream but he watched. He watched as Morgan prepared the man and then took him from behind, standing on the floor with the man on his knees and elbows on the bed. He watched as the man collapsed on the bed and as Morgan left and came back with a washing cloth. He watched as the young man was dried off and the cloth dropped on the night stand. He watched as Morgan slid under the cover and stared right back at him for several minutes before smiling and closing his eyes. Then Spencer looked away. He wiped the tears, both dry and wet, off his cheeks, closed his laptop, and went to bed.

He had known all along. He knew he was watching him. He knew he had been watching him and he obviously liked it.

He was nothing more than an exhibitionist.

**xXx**

He cursed his luck when the lights in that bedroom across from his flicked on and Morgan pulled a new man into his chamber.

Spencer hadn't thought it was possible to hurt this much, he really hadn't. He had read about it – he knew how many committed suicide every year because of a broken heart, but he hadn't believed it, not really. He hadn't understood how literal the term heartbroken was nor did he understand how the ache in his chest was caused by a man who didn't even know his name.

When Morgan broke their kiss and looked over at his flat, Spencer did something he had never done before and left his desk to turn on the big light, illuminating the entire room to the fullest. He preferred to study in the half dark, he had realized sometime during college, but now he wanted light – he needed it.

When Morgan pushed the man against the window like he did last time Spencer walked to the window too and pressed his forehead against the cool glass. When Morgan folded his hand around the nape of the man's neck and kissed him with vigor Spencer pressed his hand against the window and let it slide down the cold plane. Then he turned around and left the room without switching the lights off or seeing the look of surprise and hurt flashing over Morgan's face.

He went to bed and balled up and cried, telling his heart to stop aching and his mind that this infatuation was to stop immediately and didn't know the anger Morgan felt pulsing through his veins when he thrust harder than he should into the unimportant man's hole.

He whimpered Morgan's name before sliding into sleep and didn't see the look of pain in Morgan's eyes as he came staring at the illuminated room across the street, willing himself not to cry out the wrong name.

**xXx**

When Spencer woke up the next day his cheeks stung from dried tears and his chest felt hollow from phantom pains.

Distracting him from his emotional torment was a much more palpable hunger, eating him from his inside, insisting on coffee and something unhealthy and sugary.

A search of his kitchen came up extremely disappointing when he only found an empty bag of coffee beans and a single glass of jam but no bread. He sunk to the kitchen floor with his head in his hands and tried to figure out if he should just stay and die from starvation or if it was worth the effort to go down to the local diner. He could, he reasoned, bring his laptop and get some work done while he was there. He had a few documents to read and it would probably do him some good to be somewhere where he wouldn't be looking directly into someone's bedroom when his eyes strayed from the screen.

He got up from the floor and dusted off his butt with a swift movement before venturing into his study to get his laptop. He flicked off the lights he had left on the night before when he entered and looked out the window with a glance so instinctual he almost didn't register the still form on Morgan's bed.

His eyes returned quickly though and he stared wide-eyed when Morgan rose from his position sitting on the bed and walked to the window where he stood just as still as he had sat before, his eyes locked firmly on the hyperventilating Spencer. He was practically panting for his breath, his heart thundering in his chest, when Morgan leaned closer to the window and pressed his forehead against the glass, mimicking Spencer's previous movements to the smallest detail when he slid his hand down the glass. But he didn't move after that. He just stood there and stared, as if he had just asked something and wanted Spencer to reply.

But Spencer didn't know. He didn't know the question and even less the answer, so he did the only thing he could come up with and fled. He grabbed his keys and his wallet on his way out and raced down the stairs, his need to get Morgan at a distance suddenly just as physical as it was emotional.

He stopped running when he came outside, but he kept a brisk pace and made it to the diner faster than ever. He dropped into a vacant seat at the counter and thankfully accepted a cup of coffee from the tired looking waitress, offering her a small smile when she handed him a menu.

He spent an entire hour at the diner, first eating a big plate of pancakes and then drinking his weight worth in coffee as he fought to gather enough courage to return home.

He had decided to go for a walk in the park when a loud giggle made him look up. His breath caught in his throat and his heart resumed beating as fiercely as it had earlier when he recognized the blond woman. The first one he ever saw Morgan having sex with.

Every thought of park-walking was abandoned for the immediate need to return home and bury under his covers where he could cry in peace, so he dropped a few bill on the counter and all but ran out the door and home. He kept his eyes firmly on the ground all the way, bumping into more people than normally, but he didn't want anyone to see the water in his eyes, threatening to form humiliating trails down his cheeks.

He stopped abruptly when he came to his building and found an all too familiar figure sitting on his doorstep.

"I never thought you'd come back," the man said and smiled weakly at his sad attempt to be funny.

"I never thought you'd break my heart."

"Can I mend it?"

"Yes, please."

Spencer was certain that no matter how many strangers Morgan had taken to his room, he had never kissed any of them with the same feeling, with the same amount of pent up passion and care he kissed him with now.

And even if he was furious with every single one of them, he still kind of pitied them because of that.


	6. Disgusting

**Title: **Disgusting**  
>Fandom: <strong>Criminal Minds**  
>CharactersPairing: **Reid/Morgan  
><strong>Genre: <strong>Romance/Drama/A bit o'angst  
><strong>Rating:<strong>T  
><strong>Summary: <strong>Morgan hates it. He really, really does. It's wrong and unnatural and so disgusting these feelings that bloom in him whenever he sees his best friend. His _best friend, _for God's sake!  
><strong>Author's Note: <strong>I was watching fan vids (Supernatural actually, Destiel more precisely) and stumbled across a song. By Ke$ha. Usually I'm not fond of Ke$ha, but I listened to this song, looked to my left and noticed a plot bunny smirking at me. What is a writer to do? Write a small one shot is what.  
><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>You could think I owned CM, what with all the rehiring of awesome characters past and firing less awesome characters present, but alas I don't. And I'm not Ke$ha either.  
><strong>Warning: <strong> I admit, I have Morgan dropping the F-bomb a couple of times. He's pretty upset. Oh, and tense changing! In the middle of nowhere (or well, starting from the beginning of the third paragraph) tenses change. It felt wrong not to.

_My heart booms at the speed of light  
>But the exit signs always on my mind, always in my sight.<br>I can say that I really want to stay,  
>But the devil inside always wins the fight, always gets his way.<em>

_Jump out the window gotta get out on the highway,  
>Think things have getting too attached I need an escape.<br>I'm seeing stars and there is nothing more that I hate, baby._

Morgan tightened his grip on his beer bottle and tried to keep his focus on the film so hard sweat started to sprout on his forehead. The man next to him would laugh at random times at jokes that Morgan himself didn't understand. He often wondered if Reid actually laughed at the jokes or some sort of incorrectness in the film's setting or something like it. It wouldn't be a surprise if it was.

His heart was beating furiously and if it wasn't because they were seated he was sure he would be completely out of breath. Even sitting he sometimes found it impossible to draw a breath as his best friend would lean closer to point out something fascinating or amusing or interesting and Morgan would nod feeling lightheaded and not knowing what he was being told. All he could register was Reid's breath ghosting across his ear or his cheek when he spoke quietly, his body heat when he leaned closer, the faint smell of sandalwood and musk that surrounded the lithe body and made it even harder for Morgan not to faint or do something indescribably stupid when Reid leaned past him to grab a pillow.

It was torture.

It was sweet, sweet torture and Morgan wanted – needed – to put an end to it before he spontaneously combusted.

He wanted to turn his head and capture those lush lips whenever Reid whispered in his ear. He wanted to grab him and pull him into his lap when he could feel his body heat, wanted to bury his head between his shoulder and neck and memorize the alluring yet innocent smell. He wanted to rip off his clothes and ravish his body, wanted to shower him in kisses and make sweet love. Hell, he wanted to reach over and take his hand.

But the small voices in his head screamed at him, ordering him to keep still and not make a signle rash move.

"Now, this is one of my favorite moments in the movie," Reid said inches from Morgan's ear, and he couldn't form a coherent thought at the proximity, the heat, the hushed tone, the intimacy of the scene. Reid kept talking and Morgan had no idea what he was saying, what was happening on the small old fashioned TV-screen, or even what movie they were watching. He suspected something with the word Star in the title.

He hummed slightly in agreement when Reid went silent and nodded his head when he finally regained the ability to breathe as Reid leaned back to his spot on the couch.

Out of the corner of his eye he could see the man smile, while he pressed the pillow he had retrieved to his chest with one hand the other lying vacant between them. It would be so easy to just reach over and take it.

Easy and hard and infinitely wrong.

So when the movie finished and Reid turned to face him, images flooded his head while he heard his voice say that it had been a nice evening as usual and that he should get going before it got too late.

Reid nodded and smiled and then Morgan was in the SUV and he was driving away, his thoughts running amok and his heart fighting to keep up.

It was his favorite past time, spending time at Reid's. It was also the thing he feared the most.

He is only a human being.

He has his limitations.

Some day he'll break.

_There is something that I gotta say.  
>It's disgusting, how I love you.<br>God, I hate me. I could kill you.  
>Cause your messing up my name.<br>Gotta walk my talk my fame, but I just want to touch your face.  
>It's disgusting.<br>It's disgusting, how you changed me.  
>From a bandit to a baby.<br>Thinking about gotta change my name,  
>If I'm gonna walk this walk of shame.<br>Look at what you do to me.  
>It's disgusting.<em>

It was almost impossible to admit, even to himself – maybe especially – but it was even more impossible to deny the feelings his best friend stirred in him whenever he was near.

After he finally had admitted it he spent a long time being moody – moody being a relative term. He was a professional and refused to let his personal life affect his work life, even if the two were undeniably connected. Instead he wasn't as flirty with Garcia or any of the resident female officers he worked with when they were out on cases and he didn't suggest going out to relieve stress when they came back home. He came to work, did his job, and went home. Sometimes he would go to the gym where he would train harder than ever or go to one of the houses he was restoring. He ended up knocking down a wall on the first floor in one of his small villas because his temper got the better of him.

At that moment Derek Morgan had wanted to hurt Spencer Reid so badly he found it impossible to describe in words. Sure, the damn genius would have known some obscure term that would fit the situation perfectly, but Morgan wasn't as smart as him and he didn't want to be either. He just wanted the unwelcome feelings to pass so he could go out and bring home a new strange woman, resuming the noncommittal lifestyle that had sated his needs for years.

The day after knocking the wall to dust and pieces he came to work to find Spencer fucking Reid, the bane of his existence, bent over Prentiss' fucking desk while trying to find something in one of her fucking drawers. Morgan came to a dead halt, suddenly unable to move.

He just stood.

Stood and stared.

Stared at Reid's surprisingly detectable fucking ass, as it wiggled with effort from Reid trying to shove his arm down the drawer.

The images that scene inspired in Morgan's mind were X-rated at best, at he hated him for it. Hated Reid for being so perfect and right in his face all the time.

But mostly Morgan hated himself. He hated the disgusting new urges in him, hated that he didn't want the beautiful women that winked at him and flashed their best features with cocky smiles and fingers crooked telling him to 'come hither'. He saw them and knew they were beautiful and that they wanted him but it didn't stir anything in him. They just left him feeling hollow and empty with a distant need to find Reid and run his fingers through his hair and caress his face.

He was Derek fucking Morgan, he was a ladies man and a total dog, but something in him had revolted and created a fucking work crush on his _best friend_ without him realizing before it was too late. He wasn't supposed to lie in bed every night trying to fall asleep but finding it impossible as Reid's image would appear every time he closed his eyes.

Pining wasn't a concept you usually connected with Derek Morgan, and he detested the way innocent Spencer Reid had turned him from his womanizing ways to this sighing, silently pining parody of a man.

It was disturbing.

It was wrong.

It was disgusting.

_My mind blinks like a traffic light.  
>It's green and red and stop and go. Changing all the time.<br>And it makes me scared, that I haven't loved.  
>That it's still right here, more or or or less.<em>

Morgan sits in the dark cinema, stiff and panicked, his white knuckled hands holding on to his box of popcorn for dear life.

On the armrest between the two of them lies Reid's hand. It's open and looks like it's waiting for something and Morgan's petrified that he's reading the situation wrongly and it's just coincidence – that it just looks like an invitation.

He tries to take a deep relaxing breath when the fingers flex and the deep breath hitches in his throat. Then the hand draws back, taking Reid's super sized coke with it and Morgan's eyes are forced along and stare as two plump lips locks around the straw, cheeks hollow, and after a moment the Adam's apple bobs as the genius drinks deeply.

_Stuck out in traffic, ya, I gotta go my own way.  
>My head is slipping, too intense I need an escape<br>I'm seeing stars and there is nothing more than I hate, baby._

The film has managed to catch his attention after Reid hasn't fidgeted for an uncharacteristically long time. Fidgeting usually forces Morgan's mind from the more important things, like the explosions on the giant screen. His grip in the popcorns have eased and his stiff posture slumped as he rests his elbows on the armrests.

It's a moment after he realizes who's the hero and who's the bad guy that he feels something against his arm, and it's warm and soft and there's only explanation.

He doesn't check though.

He doesn't dare to.

He finds it hard enough to keep his heart from bursting through his chest.

_Chapter by chapter, I'm falling faster and faster,  
>Becoming manic and magic it's so romantic I panic, oh.<br>Hit the eject button but it must be stuck, somethings up.  
>What did you slip into my drink? Baby.<em>

The soft heat stays against his arm for the rest of the movie and Morgan gives up trying to keep score with what happens on screen as he frantically tries to analyze the meaning behind the touch. A movement beside him makes his breath stutter and suddenly there's warm, moist air blowing against his ear.

"This soda's too big for me to handle, I'm afraid. Feel free to take any if you feel like it," Reid whispers, so close to Morgan's ear that he's convinced that he at one point can feel lips brush against the shell of the ear. He hopes his naturally dark skin and the poorly lit room is enough to hide the heat in his face when his mind goes crazy interpreting the innocent offering.

His head's spinning and all he can do is nod faintly before Reid sits back, the insistent touch of Morgan's arm kept firmly in place and he cannot take it anymore and has to see what it is. Just to be completely sure. To make sure he's not misunderstanding entirely.

Reid's arm's back on the armrest, his hand again lying palm up, the long slender fingers bent slightly.

So inviting.

Morgan grabs Reid's coke and he drinks until he has to stop and pant for his breath.

His head is even lighter afterwards.

_It's disgusting, how I love you.  
>God, I hate me. I could kill you.<br>Cause your messing up my name.  
>Gotta walk my talk my fame, but I just want to touch your face.<br>It's disgusting.  
>It's disgusting, how you changed me.<br>From a bandit to a baby.  
>Thinking about gotta change my name,<br>If I'm gonna walk this walk of shame.  
>Look at what you do to me.<br>It's disgusting._

Morgan drives Reid home as they planned. The young man talks the entire trip, describing characters, discussing themes, symbolism, plot twists and Morgan is beyond stunned that he's missed so much. He finds it easier to really _listen_ when he doesn't have to watch temptation incarnate at the same time. Reid gestures widely with his hands Morgan notices out of the corner of his eye and suddenly contempt fills him, a response to the constant affectionate warmth.

It's not right that he feels like this.

It's not alright that Reid makes him feels like this.

It's wrong.

It's disgusting.

It's with great relief Morgan finally pulls in at Reid's building and he turns slightly in his seat so he can see his still eagerly chattering friend. The car is dark and only lit by the dashboard and Morgan can barely make out Reid's childishly excited smile.

A passing car lights the two people and Morgan sees Reid's bright smile, twinkling eyes, the sloppy curly hair that's partly pushed behind an ear to keep it out of his face and without being able to control it Morgan's hand raises and brushes Reid's cheek before dropping back down.

The silence is heavy between them.

Morgan wants to hit something. To destroy something to vent his frustration.

He wants to kill Reid for making him feel like this, but he aches to lean over and kiss him even more.

_Oh, it's disgusting  
>Oh, it's disgusting<br>Look at what you do to me.  
>Oh, look at what you do to me.<br>It's disgusting.  
>Disgusting.<em>

His eyes pleads Reid to understand even if he doubts he can see them clear enough in the dark to read the feelings.

_Look what you do to me_, his eyes yells and his hands clench and unclench on his thighs in the silence and he watches Reid intently, waiting for a reaction.

He himself is repelled by his action, hates that emotions broke him and he did what he's been fighting for so long. He's not a homo, damn it! He's Derek Morgan – _Derek fucking Morgan – _renowned ladies man, heart breaker and love maker.

This is wrong.

Wrong.

Wrong.

Disgusting.

Then Reid leans across the space between them and folds his hand around the nape of Morgan's neck and his lips is on Morgan's and it's disgusting.

Hair raising.

Goosebumps inspiring.

Perfect.

And he gives damn about being Derek fucking Morgan and kisses back.


	7. Dancing In Clubs

**Title: **Dancing In Clubs**  
>Fandom: <strong>Criminal Minds**  
>CharactersPairing: **Reid/Morgan, Prentiss, team, OCs  
><strong>Genre: <strong>Romance

**Rating:**__K+**  
>Summary: <strong>Weekend. A promise of no cases. A severe lack of sleep. This is the perfect time for Spencer to do his new favorite thing; clubbing with a pair of friends. When he dances he doesn't remember all those bad things. It's nice. It's fun.  
><strong>Author's Note: <strong>I dedicate this to Rayne McKenna, because she did some awesome pics that I got to peek at (and did I ever!). The idea for this story occurred to him during the weekend when I was stuck with my roommate and her new boyfriend. In Copenhagen at the most epic festival ever. Staying with a couple, not always as much...

**Disclaimer: **Srsly? But I would have brought Thomas Gibson back too! I have big hopes for the next season!

**Warning:** None! We have some (a case of extreme and flashy) gay pride but that's it. A slight spoiler to that episode where we find out Morgan was raped by Buford.

"_Listen up, Erin," SSA David Rossi said and looked intently at the sour woman on the other side of the desk. "Even if our team is the best one out there, and we complete cases no one else has even a shot at, it doesn't change the fact that we're only human. We've been working our asses of the last month – we've barely been home in Virginia! I can't remember the color of my bathroom anymore!"_

"_Didn't you just redecorate?" Erin Strauss asked, severely miffed that Rossi continued to piss her off by using her first name._

"_All the more reason for me to remember!"_

"_You're not listening, director Strauss. This is not us asking for the weekend off," Unit Chief Aaron 'Hotch' Hotchner said coolly. "This is us telling you that none of our team members, not even Agent Jareau, will be answering any calls about cases between Friday afternoon and Monday morning." _

_The woman looked at the serious faces in front of her, and even if she hated giving in to the them she knew they were right. Hell, she had planned to let them off easy for a while herself._

_Not that she was ever going to let them know._

He loosened his tie and started unbuttoning his shirt while looking at the black t-shirt and pair of jeans lying on his bed. They were both a lot tighter than the clothes he usually wore but it was a special night and Spencer had promised Prentiss ("Emily! I'm Prentiss at work and Emily off the clock! How come you always forget – I thought you were a genius!") and she carried a gun and a good shot. Plus, he was actually looking forward to going out with her.

His new closer relationship with Prentiss – Emily – started around the time he had told Garcia he was gay. The tech analyst had been ecstatic and talked about anal sex for fifteen minutes before he had to excuse himself and stumbled into Emily who had been right behind him listening to Garcia's ramble.

She had been even happier than Garcia about Spencer's sexuality and was the sole reason he found himself on a blind date with a friend of hers, Lucas, who "was such a sweetheart and so much fun, and they would just be the cutest couple ever". Lucas and Spencer was quick to determine that they had absolutely nothing to say to each other and decided to go to a club Lucas knew. Spencer had been reluctant at first, but then Lucas gave him a brief introduction to dancing and suddenly Spencer didn't mind. The next weekend they went out again, this time bringing Emily who turned out to be a 'fag hag', a term Spencer hadn't heard of before Lucas had fallen down his chair laughing at his lack of knowledge.

Their outings turned to a sort of routine. Every Friday Spencer and Emily didn't have to work, they would call Lucas and the three of them would go out, dance and bring home strange men.

Or Lucas and Emily would, Spencer didn't have the nerve.

And he really didn't want to.

He knew it was stupid and illogical, but he couldn't help but feel unfaithful if he even danced with someone beside Emily and Lucas. He would beat himself up about it every time he came back from a Friday of dancing and promise he would try to be more outgoing the next time and that Morgan didn't care.

Never would.

_Spencer tried hard not to glance over at Morgan every few moments, but he could see something was troubling his friend and he just ached to help him. He sighed silently and forced his eyes back to the papers in front of him. He could ask what was wrong, but Morgan's distress was barely visible if you didn't watch closely, and Spencer didn't want anybody, and especially not him, to know just how closely he was watching his best friend and unrequited crush. _

_He permitted himself a small glance again and tried to make it seem natural as he swept his gaze around the room from Anderson to Prentiss. Who was looking right back at him. With a knowing look in her eyes._

_Oh, crap. _

_She knew._

_She smiled faintly and left with a softly muttered 'bathroom' and Spencer counted to twenty in his head before getting up from his chair and moving as slowly as possible across the bullpen the way Prentiss had disappeared. _

_He found her resting against the wall next to the vending machine, looking down at the floor, her fingers tapping a soundless rhythm on her forearm._

"_You know?" Spencer breathed and almost didn't expect Prentiss to have heard._

"_Of course I do."_

"_Does Morgan know too?"_

_Prentiss finally looked at him a thoughtful look on her face. "I honestly don't think so."_

"_But Morgan is just as good a profiler as you, if not better. Not to insult you or anything, I'm just being objective. Well, as objective I can be while harboring romantic feelings for an involved part. Although some would claim that I wouldn't be able to be even remotely objective since I know the both of you, and I can see their logic-"_

"_Calm down, Reid. Call it female intuition. He still thinks you're just the adorkable Spencer Reid, his best friend and nothing more."_

"_I think that hurt more than intended," Spencer said after a long pregnant silence. _

"_Truth often does."_

He discarded his trousers and started the struggle to pull on his black jeans. He remembered the big discussion he had had about the size of the pants but Emily had been hard as steel and watched him carefully when he had paid. He had felt very much like a kid at the time.

But they did make his butt look great, he had to acknowledge when he caught sight of himself in the mirror.

Someone sounding like they were in a horror movie and the killer was right at their heels knocked on Spencer's door and he smiled a little and shook his head as he pulled on his tight black shirt and walked leisurely through his living room and unlocked the door to face a pretty pouting man and Emily in a short blue dress.

"What took you so long, bitch?" the man said and pushed Spencer to the side so he could enter the sparsely furnished room. He was wearing a pink shirt and had bleached hair. If you were the type who supported generalization you would expect him to own a tiny dog with a silly name that he would carry around in big colorful handbags.

The dog was a chihuahua called ChiChi and Lucas had four different sized and colored bags but never brought his Baby to the clubs the frequented.

"I'd prefer if you didn't call me names, Lucas," Spencer called after his friend and locked the door after Emily.

"But you're such a tease, Spency – I just can't help it! Do you have any alcohol?"

"We didn't come here to get drunk, Luke," Emily said and dropped down in the couch next to where Lucas had decided to leave his jacket. He was standing next to it tapping his foot impatiently.

"Well, then we have to go soon, because I'm just going to _die_ if I don't get something fruity and sugary with alcohol in it soon! Is that what you're going to wear? Looks nice, can I put some makeup on you?" Spencer hadn't taken some time getting used to Lucas and his moods.

"Yes, this is what I'm going to wear, thank you, and no. I just need some shoes and I'm ready to go."

"You're so boring! Even if you do have gorgeous eyelashes," Lucas said.

"It fits you well," Emily said at the same time.

Spencer hid his smile by leaving the room to find his shoes in his bedroom. He could secretly use some sugary drink too, even if it had alcohol. He felt a bit depressed already, he wouldn't mind going all out for once.

_Prentiss held up three fingers for Spencer to see, their secret sign telling that they would be going out. He nodded in reply and collected some files he would look at Saturday afternoon when he had gotten the sleep he needed. He was interrupted by Morgan._

"_So, do you have any plans for the weekend, Reid?" _

_God, he was so beautiful. "Yes, in fact I do."_

"_Oh? And what's that?"_

"_Well, erm... Actually me and Prentiss have this-"_

_Spencer was saved from answering any further when Morgan's phone rang. He wasn't sure if he was relieved or what as he really wanted to spend time with the oder agent but he wasn't comfortable with letting him know just how he spent his Friday nights._

"_Morgan." Derek didn't recognize the number and he was annoyed. If the caller didn't have a very good reason for calling his language might turn colorful._

"_Derek! Hey, it's me – Tony!" _

"_Tony, my man," Derek said and a bit of his annoyance left him. Not all of it though. "What are you doing calling me all of a sudden?"_

"_I just wanted to let you know that I happen to be in D.C. tonight and I don't fell like spending the night alone. Any plans?"_

_Derek glanced at Reid who was packing his messenger bag with his back turned to him. "Nope, no plans whatsoever. You're bringing the pizza, I'll provide the beer?"_

"_That sounds like a plan! I'll be at your place at seven."_

"_I'll text you my address."_

_Derek ended the call, his emotions a mix of anticipation and regret. You'd think he would learn eventually._

"_Have a good weekend," a voice called and Morgan turned around to see Reid's backside disappear out the door._

It was by far his favorite place among the bars Emily and Lucas had dragged him to, and there had been a few. It wasn't a gay bar (they had quickly figured out that those places and Spencer didn't go well together. Apparently Spencer looked disturbingly like a stereotypical twink, a new term to him, and everybody expected him to be a lot stupider and somewhat of a slut) but it was gay friendly and played decent music at a level that didn't render your deaf after a couple of hours. And there was lots of space for dancing, which was why he allowed the others to force him with them. As they said after trying to convince him to go one of the first time, a man and a woman arriving together looked like a couple and they were very much _not _a couple.

So here they were.

In the middle of the dance floor.

Spencer sandwiched between Emily in front and Lucas in the back, grinding like their lives depended on it. And it was exhilarating and Spencer could feel his heart beat rip through his body and hear his loud pulse beat in his ear. He was sweaty and thirsty and his head buzzed from a few fruity drinks with names he blushed from saying out loud. To put it short; Spencer was enjoying himself immensely.

With a wink Emily left the two men to dance with each other as she spotted a muscular man at the bar who had been checking her out for the past ten minutes and Spencer was suddenly turned around to dance with his front to Lucas, one of his legs wedged between his, and they were so close he could smell the alcohol on Lucas' breath and they burst into laughter and threw their heads back and gave up their control for the sake of the hypnotizing beat.

When Spencer was dancing he always forgot just _why_ he had been doing drugs.

This was so much better.

Emily was having a lot of fun too. Her hips swayed from side to side with a strange man's hand on the left side for support and her back pressed against his chest.

She wasn't completely sure if she had heard it right but she thought his name might be Brad and she didn't really care – he wasn't one of the men she would bring to her home. Tonight she would go home alone so she could regain some of the sleep she'd lost in the past month's time, and going out with her gays (which she herself found to be a clever pet name for her favorite gay guys) were really just a way of venting some or her pent up emotion.

Tonight she was here to dance and feel wanted and let herself go for an hour or two. Then she would go home.

Well, unless of course she met Mr. Right, in which case all rules were suspended, but all women knew that.

She smiled and let her hand trail up her torso and bury in her hair, lifting it to let some air cool the back of her neck. It wasn't exactly cold air, but it felt nice against the sweaty skin and she smiled and looked around her, searching for Spencer. She always felt responsible for him when they went out. She was older than him _and_ she was the one to introduce him to the tornado called Lucas. She had never expected for the two of them to work, but Spencer would need someone he could relate to with his sexuality, even if that was the only point. And she had to admit that Lucas really was the very opposite of Spencer. He was all colors, and parties, and lovers, and-

Wait!

Was that?

It couldn't possibly... Right?

She stopped moving and gaped at the spot at the bar where she had picked up Brad what felt like only minutes ago.

Morgan.

What was he doing here?

Only one way to find out, Prentiss decided and smiled apologetically to Brad before making her way to the bar where Maybe Morgan was looking right back at her with an unreadable look on his face.

"Morgan?" she asked when she finally made it through the crowd. "What are you doing here?"

"Having a beer with a friend," he said and nodded towards two beers on the tabletop. "What are you doing here? I thought you had plans with Reid, he told me so earlier today."

"Well-"

"Is he here too?"

Emily's silence seemed to be sufficient of an answer as Morgan hopped of his bar stool and looked at her expectantly.

_He hadn't seen Tony for three years. They had gone to college together, Tony being on the football team with him but continuing even after Derek busted his knee. He was nice to him afterwards and would continually invite him along when the team did things together. When Derek thought about it Tony had always been annoyingly invested in his life, be that social or otherwise, as he had gone and actually gotten him a tutor when he had experienced some trouble with some of his courses._

_Now it looked like he was doing it again._

"_I don't feel like going out. I've had about ten hours of sleep put together these last three nights," he said and felt disgustingly like he was pleading._

"_Not important," Tony said and showed Derek the entire content of half chewed pepperoni pizza in his mouth in a manner so very like college. "I've heard about this place from one of the guys I worked with and I feel like going out."_

"_Why don't you go with that guy then?"_

"_We work together – that would be beyond awkward!"Tony took a long draft from his beer and laughed silently. "Go out with a coworker! Right!"_

_Derek looked down at the slice of pizza on his plate and knew he was about to do something incredibly stupid, but wasn't able to stop. "I'm in love with one of my coworkers."_

"_Oh... That's stupid!" Derek gave Tony a scathing look and his friend shrugged. "Is she hot then?"_

"_Actually," Derek cleared his voice, "actually, it's a man."_

"_Sorry, is he hot then?"_

_And then one of those stunned silences happened where one part is completely at ease and not at all as surprised as the other part had expected._

"_Is that all you have to say?" Derek asked in disbelief. With all the nights of complete agony he had gone through he found it hard to believe that one of his best and oldest friends accepted it that easy._

"_Well, I've kinda suspected it for a while."_

"_Wait – what? What do you – how long? Why?"_

"_Not to rub you past in your face, but you were always a bit too interested in the other guys when we showered after training – not that I minded, I knew you were way too scared to actually act on it. But it was there and I saw it."_

_Derek rubbed his face and sighed heavily. "I feel stupid now."_

"_Great, does that mean we're going out?"_

Spencer was so caught up in moving in sync with Lucas that he didn't notice Emily before she actually tapped his shoulder. He might have jumped a bit at the unexpected intrusion but regained his wit quickly and turned to see what she wanted.

And froze when he recognized the figure next to him.

"Well, hello there," Lucas crooned behind him and Spencer felt heat rise to his face. "And who might you be?"

"Morgan," Spencer said breathlessly but the song ended and everybody heard it during the small break in the music. He could feel Luca's curious eyes on the back of his skull but he couldn't force his eyes from the man in front of him.

"Reid." Morgan raised his voice above the music and he didn't sound happy at all. "What are you doing here? You hate going out and bars especially."

"I never said that," Spencer said, feeling a bit defensive at Derek's accusing tone.

"Then how come you never had fun when we went out together?"

"Perhaps I just like this place better."

"They're almost identical!" Their voices had been loud to begin with so they could hear each other above the music, but as they exchanged words their voices grew even more in volume, slowly stepping closer to each other so they were all the other would see.

"Maybe," Reid said and tried hard to let a certain amount of chilliness into his voice as he almost-yelled at Morgan, "it has something to do with you abandoning me to go dancing with all those women every time."

"Why didn't you join? Nobody forced you to stay at the table! And apparently you're a perfectly good dancer." Morgan let his eyes wander to Lucas behind him and Spencer felt pure anger rise in his chest.

"I don't like the competition!"

Morgan's face fell a bit and he looked at bit hurt. "I would never go for a girl you wanted. I thought you knew that much."

"I wasn't talking about you." Spencer's voice were flatter than a pancake, which was quite and accomplishment while still keeping his so loud Morgan would hear. The other man frowned as if he didn't quite understand what Spencer meant and he was just about to open his mouth and say something hurtful about Morgan's lacking intelligence when he was interrupted by the present of a strange man who stuck his face up next to Spencer and Morgan who was so close their noses were almost touching.

"So! Who do we have here?" the stranger asked and Morgan jumped back from Spencer with a scowl at the newcomer.

"Tony," he said warningly but was interrupted by Emily.

"I'm Emily Prentiss and this is Spencer Reid, we work with Morgan at the FBI. Oh, and that is our friend Lucas who will grab your butt if you don't watch out." Tony smiled at Emily and gave her an appreciative look before gaining a look of deep thought and moving a bit closer to Morgan while looking to Spencer who crossed his arms in front of him.

"Hey – is this the coworker you're in love with?"

His seemingly innocent question was followed by a stunned silence in which Emily found Morgan to hold a look of pure horror that were very unfamiliar to him.

"I think this is my cue to leave," she said and looked to Tony who looked very content and accomplished. "And you're coming with me," she said, took his arm, and dragged him after her.

"And my cue too," Lucas declared somewhere behind Spencer who felt a slap on his butt and was left to stare at Morgan who was staring right back at him.

He supposed he now understood why people called alcohol liquid courage.

"So," he said and pulled Morgan close by curling his fingers around his belt loops and pulling.

**A/N2: "I heard you like Mudkips." Anybody gets the joke? Roommate thought it to be hilarious... I didn't think so... Damn memes!**


	8. Hi Mom

**Title: **Hi Mom, I'm Gay**  
>Fandom: <strong>Criminal Minds**  
>CharactersPairing: **Reid/Morgan, Fran Morgan, Diana Reid  
><strong>Genre: <strong>Romance  
><strong>Rating:<strong>K+  
><strong>Summary: <strong>Mothers are mystical beings. They hold an power over you that you'll fight your entire life and love every minute of. Mothers make the world go 'round and all you really want in your life right now is her approval.  
><strong>Author's Note: <strong>I wrote this months ago, and then suddenly I remembered it. Like you haven't seen enough from me these past few days. I sigh at myself!  
><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>I don't even have a car!

If you had to describe Derek Morgan in one line you would have to think for a long time before you sighed and said that it would be loyal to his family. Because he was. Derek Morgan would go through fire and water – bullet fire and something dangerous with water like floods or poisons or something like it. He would die if it meant his family was safe. And his family was big and not limited by blood. Derek's family consisted not only of his mother, Fran, and his two sister, Sarah and Desiree, who lived back in Chicago in the neighborhood he had grown up in and hated and loved with equal force, it also included the team he worked with at the FBI. Hotch, Rossi, JJ and Prentiss, Reid, and Garcia was just as much family as his mother and sisters and he would do just as much to ensure their safety.

Of course, he reasoned as he sat in front of his mother and felt her heavy gaze on him, the team weren't exactly important at that particular moment.

"What are you not telling me, Derek?" Fran asked and Derek rubbed his fingertips on the edge of his coffee cup, the steam making his palm grow damp.

"I can't hide anything from you anymore, Mum," he said and kept his gaze firmly on the cup.

"Thank God for that," he heard his mother mutter under her breath and he knew they were thinking about the same thing.

"Recently I've been..." he started when the silence grew so solid it felt like Buford was in the room with them, "...thinking. A lot actually." He looked up briefly to see his mother nodding with a slight smile and her eyes softly fixed on his face. "I've been so confused about somethings and... shit, this is hard."

"Language," Fran scolded with a soft tone that felt far from actual scolding.

"Sorry. What I'm trying to say is... I've been feeling different lately – well, not exactly _feeling_ _different, _more like felt different about something and it really shocked me and... well, confused me."

"And that's the reason you haven't visited for so long and your calls were so far apart?"

"I guess, yeah." He felt like a terrible son as he let go of his cup and rubbed his face. The right words continuously slipped his mind. "I've been thinking a lot."

"Yes?"

Derek was silent for a long time as he tried to form the right way to say it, but no matter how he said it in his mind it never seemed right.

"I can't find a good way to say this," he sighed and lifted the cup from the table just to put it back down when he realized coffee was the last thing he wanted.

"Just say it then."

"I'm afraid of how you'll react," Derek confessed and his eyes slid to the window where he didn't have to meet his mother's disappointed look.

"I'm your mother, Derek. Say it."

"I think, no actually I'm quite sure that..." He clenched his jaw and drew a deep breath before looking back at Fran. "I'm gay."

"Okay. So you feeling different, was that about men in general or someone in particular?"

Derek's eyes widened a bit in surprise at her nonchalant reaction. "Men in general I guess, but also... mostly one in particular." It felt oddly easy to confess that part.

"Have you told him?"

"I have."

"And?"

"He feels the same way about me." His mother smiled at him and reached over and took his hand, her pale fingers stroking the back of his hands in a calming pattern he recognizes from his childhood.

"Feeling different isn't always so bad, is it?" she said with a smile and Derek couldn't help but laugh.

"Not this time," he replied and gave her hand a squeeze. They sat in silence again, but this time a light and comfortable one, and they were both reluctant to break it. But Fran had to, there was a question that must be asked.

"Are you happy then, Derek?"

He looked up from their joined hands and the most heartfelt smile Fran had seen for so long appeared on his face.

"Happier than I've been for so long," Derek said and she nodded and smiled and felt her inside soar with happiness on her son's behalf. She gave his hand a small squeeze too before letting it go and she left her seat to go find some more coffee in the kitchen after a short look at her empty cup.

"Mom," Derek said and followed her with a concerned look on her face.

"Yes, Derek?" she replied with her back turned towards him from the coffeemaker.

"Aren't you going to ask who it is?"

She turned and looked at her only son for what felt like eternity before a smile erupted on her face. "I already know, baby. I've known all along."

And Derek couldn't not smile back at his mother and reminisced that somehow mothers always knew more than their kids. A chilling and reassuring thought.

-x-

_A mother knows._

The line sent a shiver down Spencer's back every time Diana said it. As he stood in the door and looked at her reading in a chair by the window he couldn't help but wonder if his mother's excessive knowledge about his life was caused by her ability to read between the lines in his letters or some paranormal sense women developed after giving birth.

He shook his head at his sudden belief in the supernatural and walked determinedly over and pulled the chair in front of Diana out.

"Is it okay if I sit here?" he asked softly and remembered that the doctor said that she hadn't been doing too well lately and often was confused about time and place.

"Spencer!" his mother exclaimed and he felt a weight drop from his shoulders at her genuine, unguarded smile. "Sit, that's an order." They smiled at each other for a moment, Spencer not sure how to begin while his mother grew impatient. "I didn't know you were coming, I would have done something with my hair."

Spencer shared a small smile with his mother at her joke and knew he had to tell her now and that it was stupid of him to make it seem so difficult.

She already knew the basics anyway.

"I came because I have something important to tell you," he said and Diana nodded solemnly. "You remember how I told you I was homosexual?"

"Of course I do! I knew that years before you anyway, I've known since you were fifteen." Reid didn't argue and say that she almost never was lucid when he was fifteen and that he occasionally had needed to force feed her because she refused to eat anything herself.

"Well, I told you some time ago that I had a bit of a crush on someone, that I was in love with someone I knew-"

"I remember that too, it made me very happy to know. But I hope you haven't slacked on your job because of it, I know how much you like it, and even if crushes seems paramount one moment it may pass the next, and we can't ruin out lives on some passing fancy, do you understand, Spencer?"

"I understand, mother," Spencer said and felt his stomach lurch at her motherly tone. "I've done my best at work, but actually it's the crush I'm here to talk about."

"He's a bit more than a crush, isn't he?"

Spencer felt his cheeks heat and hoped he wasn't blushing. "We're together." It was stupid that he still got butterflies in his stomach at the words, but his mind sang '_my boyfriend, my boyfriend_' and never before had he been so sure that he could overcome any and every obstacle on his way. Now he was here he realized that his mother wasn't an actual obstacle, but that he just had really wanted to tell her.

"I'm so very glad for you," his mother said with a smile. "But now, I don't pay you to chat about your boyfriend! I need these papers organized before my next lecture." Diana handed him a stack of neatly scribble notes and even if it hurt a bit it still felt so good.

"I really love him," he said quietly and glanced up from the papers to his mother who was completely engrossed with the papers in front of her. She flashed him a smile so brief he almost dismissed it as nothing, but somehow he knew that she knew.

She probably had before he did.

-x-

Spencer returned to his flat the next day and dropped down into a soft armchair with a deep sigh. He loved his mother, but visiting her always drained his energy with a frightening speed. He closed his eyes and breathed in the homely smell of stale coffee and old books and glided further away from the present as his fatigue claimed him with its soft hands and hushed voice. Until he was shocked awake by a loud beep and something vibrating against his hip. With a tired sigh he pulled his cell phone from his pocket and counted the three different persons who would text him and expect him to reply.

He might have smiled a bit when he recognized the name and his eyes scanned the short text.

_U home yet?_

With a bit trouble Spencer navigated to write reply, and slowly types out: _Yes._

He put the phone on the coffee table next to him and just only closed his eyes when he was alerted of a new text by an annoying beep and the cellphone vibrated like crazy.

_How'd it go? _The text said and Spencer is in the middle of writing _It went surprisingly well, although I guess I really shouldn't be surprised. She always had this uncanny ability to know stuff about me before even I do _when he got fed up with trying to make the small piece of electronics write out the proper words_._ He stopped in the middle of _surprisingly_ and decided to hit the call button and do it the oral way.

Oral.

He liked oral-

"_Hey,_" a deep voice said in Spencer's ear and he shivered a bit at the husky tone.

"It went surprisingly well, although I guess I really shouldn't be surprised. She's always had this uncanny ability to know stuff about me before even I do."

A deep laughter sounded from the phone and his inside warmed.

"_So now we're official, huh?_"

"Well," Spencer said and laid back on the couch after adjusting a pillow behind his head. "We still need to tell the_ others_, but I guess it's a good beginning."

"_Well, well, well. Aren't you optimistic?_"

"Shouldn't I? They aren't keen to prejudices, my experience tells me. Besides that – they know us, we haven't changed, only the circumstances have."

"_Have I told you lately how disgustingly cute you are when you reason like that?_"

"I would prefer if you refrained from referring to me like that," Spencer said but with a smile on his face and a team of hyperactive butterflies started to do aerodynamic stunts in the pit of his stomach. "It's degrading as a thirty year old man to be called cute."

"_Oh, but you are._" Spencer rolled his eyes.

"Are we going to have to chat over the phone the entire evening or are you coming over?"

"_I'll be there in fifteen._"

"Good."

He waited till he heard the connection end before forcing his body to an upright position and shuffled over to the cabinet where he retrieved something and then shuffled to the hallway, where he waited the remaining fourteen minutes leaning against the wall.

He took a deep breath when he heard the knock on the door and then opened it to see a handsome face smile at him with twinkling eyes.

"Well, hello there, gorgeous," the man said and smirked. Spencer held up the thing he found in the cabinet in reply and watched deep brown eyes widen in surprise. "A key?" His voice had dropped to a whisper and Spencer dropped the key into the upheld palm. Then he nodded.

"Yes," he said and moved to the side so his boyfriend could enter. He was pressed against the door the moment he closed it, a firmly muscled body pressed against his slightly taller one and a hot mouth against his lips. Hands kept his head in place, and he could feel the cold metal of the key warm against his cheek in a way that made heat pool in the pit of his stomach and his head lighten.

"I love you," he heard and opened his closed eyes to look at the face an inch away from his.

"I love you too, Derek," he replied and when they lied in bed later, sweaty and exhausted he knew they could overcome everything with a certainty that made him dismiss every statistic he knew.

Spencer Reid knew quite a the amount of statistics.


	9. The Break Up

**A/N: A bit PWP in the Porn With Plot sense, but mostly it's heartbreak and pining. Because grown up men can be stupid too and not say what they really feel. Grown up men in general is actually pretty bad at that now I think about it...**

Spencer couldn't move, not really. It was hard enough as it was, standing up straight, keeping his balance as he tried to force oxygen down his lungs in a reasonable pace.

Across from him Derek was leaning against the wall, his chest expanding with every heaving breath.

Spencer wondered if his throat was as sore as his from all the yelling.

"Is this it?" Derek asked in a thin, uncertain voice, all pretense gone, the brave Alpha Male front stripped.

"You know it is," Spencer said back. His eyes burned with the need to cry, but wasn't going to let that happen. Not now.

"I don't want to end this," Derek said. He slid to the ground and hid his face in his hands. The vulnerability made it even harder for Spencer to keep back the tears.

"We have to." _I love you but you don't love me in the same way._ "We do more bad than good together. I never thought we would be this way, but we are," Spencer said, his voice trembling at the admission, but being the strong one was never easy and this was difficult to begin with.

"I want to say I'm going to miss us," Derek said and looked up at Spencer with sorrowful and disappointed eyes. Spencer shrugged.

"There isn't much to miss, and I think we're both too relieved at the moment to be able to pinpoint what actually worked between us." He assessed the distance to the armchair, decided he could pass it in two and a half step, did that, and slid into the seat gratefully and exhausted.

Keeping his heartbreak from showing on his face required all his concentration.

x

Neither man said anything for several long minutes. Their breathing had stilled, but Derek could still feel his heart racing.

He wasn't sure if this was the right solution to their problems. And anyway,

"The sex was good," he said and peeked at Spencer who had a smile curling his plump lips. His beautiful, _kissable_ lips.

"The sex was more than good," he corrected. He always corrected Derek. That he was _not_ going to miss. He bit back the wave of irritation and thought about the miracles they had performed together in bed.

"Do you think we could...? For the last time? As a goodbye, you know?" he asked, feeling overwhelmed by the importance of the question, the significance. It made it hard putting it straight but judging by Spencer's face, he knew just what Derek meant.

And Derek wasn't ready to let go of Spencer just yet. He didn't feel nearly as collected about the turn of events as Spencer looked.

"It would be kind of proper, wouldn't it?" Spencer asked with the cute lopsided smile, the smile he reserved for Derek, adorning his face.

"I'll pack my things first thing tomorrow," Derek promised and watched as Spencer slowly rose from his chair. "If you'll lend my a plastic bag or something I can even take my DVD's with me. All gone in one go. Like ripping off a band aid."

Spencer didn't reply, just walked over to him and offered him a hand to get up. Standing the two men stared at each other, Derek suddenly scared of being the one to take the first step and Spencer looking like he agreed. When Spencer stepped so close to him their chests touched and pressed a soft kiss to his cheekbone Derek felt stone drop from his heart.

"I still think you're the most beautiful person I've ever met," Spencer whispered against the skin and a shiver ran down Derek's back.

"I still think you deserve better than to be on your own," he said back and watched a sad smile stretch Spencer's lips. "I really wanted it to be me to save you from yourself," he admitted.

"Let's not talk anymore," Spencer said and stopped any words in potentia by pressing his lips softly, but insistently against Derek's and he drew in a surprised breath, lips falling open for the swift tongue which followed.

They were good at this, kissing slowly and building up emotions. They had been good at it from the start.

Spencer held Derek's jaw in a firm but gentle grip, his other hand resting on his hip, his thumb drawing small circles under the hem of his shirt. It took an enormous burst of strength for Derek to be able to move his arms, but when he buried his hand in Spencer's soft hair and pulled him closer it was so easy to kiss back, all his heartbroken emotions making him pour out all the passion he could muster.

Had he shown enough enthusiasm?

Had he let Spencer know how precious their time had been to him?

Derek let Spencer walk him backwards to the bedroom, bodies still connected by their mouths, chests so close the rubbed against each other with every step. They had to stop, though, halfway down the hallway to break apart so Derek could raise his arms and let Spencer pull his shirt off in a practiced motion, dropping it carelessly beside them as he reclaimed Derek's lips, nibbling, licking, fucking his mouth with his tongue until Derek felt his knees turn to jelly and thanked God Spencer was showing the strength to keep him from breaking down sobbing on the floor.

He loved him, had he ever told him that?

The back of his legs hit something, and Derek fell back onto a big soft something, only then realizing they had made it to Spencer's bedroom. He didn't give it much thought though, not when Spencer got on the bed after him and straddled his lap, pulling his shirt off before resuming their kissing.

Derek erection rubbed against the rough fabric of his jeans and something else that was hot and hard but then it became even better as Spencer slid his hand down between them and started massaging Derek's cock through his clothes.

For a moment he hated his body for being able to sport an erection. The grief still so new it made his heart ache, his throat still burned with unshed tears, and still lust was able to get him like this, panting, hard as steel, and dying for release.

For Spencer...

Spencer who knew his body so well, played it like a musical instrument, pulling strings and pushing buttons as he let his hand dance over Derek's torso, pinching and caressing, his mouth too busy owning Derek's to go on adventures on it's own.

Derek couldn't do much more than reverently touch Spencer. His cheek, his collarbone, his pectorals, his abs. He couldn't put in words how much he was going to miss this body, how fond of it he had grown, to both of their surprises he supposed, his past taken into consideration.

His hands strayed to Spencer's pants, his fingers reluctantly unbuttoning the button.

It was moving too quickly. _They_ were moving too quickly.

He wrapped his arms around Spencer's form and flipped them over, mouths still firmly connected. Spencer never understood what a breathtaking sight he was, lying on his back and looking aroused and debauched, Derek mused as he pulled away and reached for the night stand to get the lube and a condom.

He never understood how breathtakingly beautiful Derek thought he was.

Derek had Spencer's pants off in a quick, practiced move that still didn't feel like routine. He buried his face next to the hard cock and nuzzled the root with his nose. He wasn't scared of this at all anymore, he realized, and moved up to take the tip into his mouth. Spencer produced a high-pitched whine and it was like music to Derek's ears.

He used all the tricks Spencer's body had taught him, usually giving more high pitched whines and alternating with deep moans whenever something felt really good. Not this time Derek registered. Spencer seemed to utter only broken sighs and small sobs of pleasure.

The significance of the act hit him once again and Derek tilted his head towards Spencer's stomach to hide the tears leaking from his eyes. He slid the first lubed finger into Spencer's ass to keep him from noticing the wetness dripping onto his stomach and Spencer let out a long guttural sound that made Derek's heart ache.

Had he ever told him, that sex with him always felt like something more?

When he was finally buried deep inside of Spencer, his lover, his soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend, he kissed him again, hard and demanding, nipping at the lower lip as he lessened the pressure and started moving. Spencer had always been so responsive when he was touched.

It had probably something to do with him not being touched that much when he was younger. Only in abusive ways by his high school tormentors, people who made Derek's insides churn just by still existing.

He pushed the unwelcome thoughts away and concentrated on the sensations, the magnificent feeling of Spencer clenching around him, of his hitched breath and mewling moans.

He really ought to have told Spencer that he was the only person he could ever see himself settle down and grow old with. He hadn't though, and now it was too late anyway.

"D-Derek, I.. Derek," Spencer gasped, eyes staring panicked and desperate into Derek's.

"I've got you, Pretty Boy, I always do," he whispered back, leaning down to brush his lips over Spencer's, not hard enough to be a real kiss, and Spencer's mouth dropped open gasping for breath as his hands scrabbling for purchase on the loose sheets, on Derek's sweat slicked arms.

"Derek, I," Spencer tried again, each of Derek's thrust making his body arch higher and higher off the bed and Derek shushed him, burying his face in his neck, licking and tasting the skin for what was possibly the last time ever. "I love you."

Everything stopped.

Derek's breath.

His heart.

His thrusts.

"You love me?" he asked with breath he didn't have and raised his head to stare into Spencer eyes, begging him silently for the words to be true.

"I love you," Spencer repeated, voice hoarse from their actions and emotion.

"I," Derek started, but the words stuck in his throat, tears again burned in his eyes and he rushed down for a searing kiss. "I love you too," he whispered against Spencer's lips, too scared to open his eyes and see Spencer's reaction.

A soft hand came to rest on his cheek.

"You should have told me before," he whispered against Derek's mouth and the words sent shivers down his back. Then he kissed him again, bucking his hips up to encourage Derek to start moving again and his body did, thrusting rhythmically although absentmindedly as Derek stared into Spencer's eyes, open mouths breathing each others exhales.

He felt Spencer orgasm, his inner walls clenching tighter against him.

He saw him orgasm, mouth gasping for breath and pupils blown wide, staring into Derek's eyes.

It pushed Derek over the edge too, a stifled growl stopped by Spencer's mouth.

They still stared into each other eyes, the eye-contact making the moment so that much bigger, so much more intimate.

"Is it too late?" Derek asked as soon as he had enough breath for more than frantic gasping.

Spencer took his hand next to him, lacing their fingers together.

"With you it's never too late," he whispered back and Derek rapped his free arm around him, face pressed close against his neck to hide the embarrassing relieved tears.


	10. During Times of War

**Title: **During Times Of War**  
>Fandom: <strong>Criminal Minds**  
>CharactersPairing:** Derek Morgan, Spencer Reid, Sarah Morgan, Jason Gideon (mentioned), Ocs, Reid/Morgan  
><strong>Genre: <strong>Drama/Romance  
><strong>Rating: <strong>T  
><strong>Summary: <strong>Derek arrived at the work camp knowing it was probably going to be the place he died. He was happy he was still alive though and he was damned if he was giving up on the of returning to his mother and sisters at some point. And yes, the work camp turned out to be dreadful but everything has it's light moments, doesn't it?  
><strong>Author's Note: <strong>October 27 was the anniversary for my grandmother's death. I was sick in the time up to and my computer stopped working on me so I decided to read one of the books I had gifted her for some Christmas and that I got when we split her belongings. This is what came from that.  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> I don't own the Criminal Minds franchise, but I love it dearly. I even kind of dig the girlfriend-thing Reid's got going, although something is very fishy with her and I'm thinking paranoia, just saying. But I'm happy because I got me some crazy bromance (that we all know is actually romance)!

**Special thanks to** RayneMcKenna because (a) she's awesome and (b) without her the end would not be good enough! Rayne, you're Epic (capital E and everything!) and I love you. Thank you once again.

x

They arrived at the camp in the middle of the night, the bus' abrupt halt jolting Derek awake. The light in the bus switched on and a guard with a gun barked at them to exit he vehicle in an orderly fashion or else!

None of the prisoners made even the slightest fuss, they all knew what 'or else' implied.

_This war has cost too many lives already,_ Derek thought and tried to remember his father, strong and invincible as he had been before he had being thrown into prison on suspicion of collaborating with the Resistance and put through days of torture before it killed him.

Derek had hated being the one to finally identify his body, but he would never had let his mother or sisters do the task instead.

The guards surrounded the group of sleepy prisoner, walking beside them when they entered the camp and then when they neared the barracks, they started sending one of two towards each low building. Derek was the only one to be harshly shoved towards the fourth one they passed. A grumpy guard unlocked the door for him, his armed colleague waving Derek inside with his gun before the door was closed behind him, the low click of the lock sounding like a death sentence to Derek's ears.

He had been held captive in several prisons and prison camps before this.

There were nowhere further to go from the work camps.

Nowhere alive.

Derek recognized the stench of charred meat tainting the air all too easily now.

The inside of the hangar was blacker than the night outside, tiny windows just below the roof was only letting in the faint shine from the stars and the thin sliver of moon and he could hardly see where the walls met the floor.

"Over here," a low voice called to Derek's left, snapping him from his thoughts and making his limps jerk stiffly into motion. When he got to the origin of the near-whisper he could only make out the white glint of teeth in a broad smile and the hollows of eyes in the man's face. "The bunk above me is vacant."

"Thank you," Derek whispered, easily pulling himself up onto the top bunk. He vaguely registered the low reply of, "You're welcome," before drifting back to the sweet oblivion of sleep.

He woke up – heart beating frantically from shock – what seemed to be only a moment later when a shrill bell rang, the sound bouncing off the hangar's naked walls and throwing it back, enhanced and deafening.

"You okay up there?" a soft voice asked and Derek shifted onto his side so he could look over the edge of his hard bed. He looked right into a pair of big brown eyes in a face so gaunt it looked too much like a skin-clad skull.

"I'm going to die here, aren't I?" Derek asked, the small sliver of hope that he would some day be reunited with his remaining family slipping between his fingers.

"Chance are we all will," the man said and smiled tiredly, his skin stretched taut over his high cheekbones.

Derek nodded and slid down from his bed.

"I'm Morgan," he introduced himself, keeping it simple and forcing a smile when he faced the man and held out his hand.

"They call me the Doctor," the man replied and took Derek's hand and shaking it with a grip firmer than Derek had anticipated from someone so starved.

He followed the Doctor when the doors were opened and the men in the hangar moved to form two lines between the rows of beds.

"You're lucky," Doctor said quietly when the guard counting them had passed the pair by on his way down the line.

"How so?" Derek asked, glancing at the man out of the corner of his eye.

"The kitchen is Hangar number One and they take the lower numbered barracks first. Us here in Four might not eat as well as Two or Three, but most don't last longer than a fortnight if they're placed in Seventeen or Eighteen." Derek turned his head to stare at the Doctor, horrified at his light tone.

"You don't make a convincing case for your argument," he said sharply and Doctor smiled bitterly.

"I've been here for seven months and my metabolism has always made me naturally thin before I arrived. The guards have started placing bets on the time of my passing."

Derek had to look away, the resigned disgust in the Doctor's eyes making shivers run down his back.

He felt disturbingly mortal.

x

Derek kept close to the Doc when they went to get their food. Then he followed him to the quarry and worked beside him the entire day for then to follow him to get his evening meal with him after and walking back to the hangar next to him too.

He did that the day after and the day after that and the day after that.

The day after that he asked Doc, "Do you mind me hanging around you all the time?" when they were eating their watery breakfast porridge.

"Not at all, I like you. And your impressive physique makes me feel safe," he replied with a smile that soothed Derek's nervousness. If had told him yes, he didn't know what he would have done.

It was easier to relax in Doc's company after that, and he realized that he had missed out on a lot of what was happening right beside him.

Doc was the most popular inmate of them all.

All through the day, other men would casually work their way next to him and past after exchanging a few words with him. After a week of watching Doc Derek was close to exploding from curiosity.

Then one day after watching Doc speak quietly with one man while his friend stood beside them holding his hammer loosely in his hands Doc turned to smile at Derek and beckoned him over.

"Can he help?" the man talked to Doc asked.

"I'm not strong enough to do it, Joshua," Doc said in a calm voice. "Morgan, you look like the type who knows about sports injuries."

"I busted my knee playing football in college," he said with a shrug.

"Dislocated shoulders?" Doc asked and tilted his head toward Joshua's friend. Derek nodded and stepped next to the man.

"Put down the hammer," he told him calmly and the man put it down. "Now, I want you to relax. It will hurt, but if it doesn't work you'll need surgery."

The man gritted his teeth for a moment before taking a deep breath, relaxation spreading in his torso with the exhale and Derek grabbed him and did the trick he had done on more occasions than he liked to think about and popped the shoulder into place.

The man let out a strangled yelp, his eyes wide with the pain never left Derek's face so he smiled at him.

"I want to tell you to keep it absolutely still if you want it to heal properly, but I know that wont be possible. So just keep it steady and do as little as possible."

"Thank you," he croaked before turning to Doc. "And thank you." He started walking back the way they came and Joshua followed him after repeating the words of gratitude.

Doc and Derek watched them walk for a while before a guard growled at them and they resumed working.

"So, have all the friendly meetings been medical consultations?" Derek asked. Doc smiled shyly in return and nodded. "Why don't they just go to the infirmary?"

"Only one in twenty-three returns from the infirmary."

"That's poor odds," Derek said quietly and worked for several silent minutes while he thought. "You're not a real doctor though, are you?"

"What makes you say that?" Doc asked, but his indulgent smile told Derek how right he was.

"You would be perfectly able to pop that shoulder into place," he said. "You're not that starved."

"Let's just say my medical knowledge is more theoretical then practical," Doc said and his smiled was infectious, Derek couldn't help but smile back.

"So you're not a real doctor," he concluded.

"Oh, I am a doctor, just not a medical one." Doc stood and stretched and Derek watched him closely. "I have doctorates in several subjects which makes me a doctor and I have read several medical texts which somehow gives me enough knowledge to help these people. But I'm best at diagnosing."

"I can help you," Derek offered without thinking. During the invasion he had helped Desiree patch up and help people several times when they came to her out of the hospital. She had deemed him better at gun wounds than her, mostly because the thought of someone being shot made her squeamish. "I know practical stuff but nothing theoretical. I could almost be an EMT."

"I'd like that very much," Doc said and smiled. "You'd be my nurse."

"I'm not your nurse," Derek said and snorted a short laugh.

"You'll be the Watson to my brilliant Holmes."

"I don't think so." But Derek grinned back; the look on Doc's face made him look almost too young to be in a camp of hard work and certain death.

He didn't belong there with men like Derek.

x

A bout of food poisoning killed more than third of the inhabitants in the work camp just when the trees on the other side of the fence started to turn green. The stench of burned meat was a constant, burning Derek's nostrils and fighting hard to make him lose his appetite.

He still ate his meals though – the food poisoning had made him lose weight as most of his fellow prisoners and he didn't want to risk losing any more.

But apparently the burning process was too slow, and the heap of bodies stocked in Eighteen started to rot, the sickly sweet smell almost succeeding where the stench of burned flesh had not.

One day the entire Fourth Hangar was lead outside the camp and close to the forest where shovels and rakes were handed out amongst them along with the order, "Dig until we say it's enough."

They dug.

Up until noon the guards were on high alert, eyes sharply fixed on anyone who as much as glanced at the forest and its distant promise of freedom. When the sun stood high on the sky and none of the prisoners had tried anything, the guards visibly relaxed though.

A low murmur of voices from further down the ditch told Derek that some of his braver fellow prisoners were talking silently amongst themselves and for several long minutes he expected the guards to take actions against the talkers.

Nothing happened.

"It's almost like vacation," Doc told Derek quietly beside him.

"How do you mean?"

"We're all out of the quarry, chatting easily among ourselves." Doc smiled. "If this had been sand I could easily convince myself I was building a sand castle and not digging a mass-grave. But alas." He waved at the ground, a cocky smile teasing the corners of his mouth.

"I suppose you're right," Derek said in reply and chuckled.

"But chatting is still an option and I don't believe you told me what you did to end up here with us hardened criminals?"

Derek rested a bit against his shovel watching the Doctor continue working. The sun made the thin layer of perspiration on his freshly shaven head shine, he didn't look like any hardened criminal Derek had ever met.

Derek resumed working when a guard shouted at him to stop lazing around.

"I beat an officer half to death," he admitted eyes meeting Doc's when he gaped at Derek.

"Why would you do that?" he asked incredulously.

"I was out for a walk with my cousin. The invasion had hit her hard so my sisters and I did all we could to help her. Suddenly, during this walk, my cousin went stock-still and I saw she had spotted a group of soldiers. I pulled her into a nearby alley and she admitted that one of the officers in the group had forced himself on her. I hugged her and told her to go back to my sisters and tell them not to worry too much for me." Derek shoved his shovel roughly into the ground and faked losing his balance to take a stumbling step closer to Doc. "Then I slipped her my cyanide ampul and went to beat the ever-living crap out of her rapist," he whispered and righted himself, stepping away from the Doctor.

"Your-?" Doc asked, eyes wide when Derek met the. "You were in the Resistance?" he hissed so quietly Derek almost couldn't hear.

"And pretty active locally. The Intelligence was on track of me though so I figured prison without the torture and probable death by beating was preferable."

"What did you do?" Doc asked curiously.

"I ended things that needed ending," Derek said casually and the impressed look on Doc's face showed his understanding.

"What did you do, Doc, to land yourself here – no wait, let me guess." Derek grinned when Doc met his gaze. The early spring sun reflected off his shaved head. "You're a doctor you say, so an academic. My guess would be that you were an active communist, too proud to hide when they raided the office you printed your little socialist pamphlets." He added a wink to let Doc know that it was meant good-naturedly and any potential worries were calmed when Doc chuckled.

"I actually was an active communist and proud of it," Doc agreed and smiled at Derek. "I wasn't too proud to hide it when needed though. Unfortunately some soldiers caught my lover and I holding hands."

Derek watched the Doc's smile melt away and felt his own do the same. He supposed he could see the fairness in imprisoning someone like himself who openly and actively fought the invasion but being punished for whom you loved never could be right in his mind.

"When was this?" Derek asked tentatively.

"About a year and a half ago," Doc replied no emotion in his voice revealing how he felt.

"Do you think he's still alive?" Derek asked.

"No," Doc denied with a ark chuckle. "Ethan was always too provocative for his own good. I doubt he survived more than a few months before some angered guard pulled the trigger on him."

"I'm sorry."

"It's the way he would have wanted to go – sticking it to the system he detested with his entire being."

"I'm sorry for you loss," Derek clarified.

"Yes. Thank you."

They worked in silence til the sun went down and they were taken back to the camp.

x

"Are you awake, Doc?" Derek asked the near-blackness when he heard the other man turn in his bed yet again.

"Yeah," came the low reply and Derek turned onto his side.

"What's keeping you awake?" he asked.

"Gideon died today."

"I know, I heard. I'm sorry. I know you to liked to talk about smart stuff," Derek said, feeling deeply sympathetic for his friend.

"I appreciate it, but," Doc said falling silent.

"Yeah?"

"It got me thinking. Gideon has been here for a month longer than you, but while you are still as strong as the conditions allow I watched Gideon slowly wither away, become weaker. It wasn't a surprise to me that he had died, I've watched it happen for months."

"Do you think he gave up?" Derek asked, his insides suddenly churning. It had occurred to him that Doc had lived longer in the camp than anybody else Derek had heard of. The guards' bet was a big part of his worries too, he feared the day one of them would take action to win it by killing doc. Derek didn't know what he would do if that happened.

"He once told me about his family. His divorce and his estranged son," Doc's voice said quietly and Derek shifted as close to the edge of his bunk as he cold without crossing it.

"You think he died because he didn't have anything to return to?"

"What do you have, Morgan?" was Doc's reply and his voice sounded so very thin frail almost.

Derek rolled onto his back, away from the edge. "My mother. Sarah and Desiree, my sisters. My cousin, I need to tell her it wasn't her fault and that she probably saved my life." He would have kept on working for the Resistance until they caught him.

Caught him or killed him.

Or both.

"What keeps you going, Doc? Ethan's memory?"

"No," was the short reply.

"Your parents?" Derek continued taken aback by Doc's strange tone of voice.

"My father and I don't see eye to eye and as long as they keep clear of the mentally ill my mother will be safe."

"What then?" Derek asked. "If you say stubbornness I'd be inclined to believe you."

"Do you believe in soul mates?" was Doc's cryptic reply.

"Do you?" Derek asked back.

"Yes." Derek heard Doc shift on the bunk. "I came in here without having met mine but I refuse to die before sharing a long loving life with him."

Derek felt an odd pang in his chest at the thought of the handsome, intelligent man waiting to sweep Doc off his feet.

"I'm sure he appreciates that."

"I'm glad you think so," Doc said and Derek thought he cold hear a smile in his face. A faint buzzing sound suddenly caught his attention and any thought to answer Doc disappeared when he listened intently.

"You hear that?" he asked Doc quietly.

"I, yes. I do," Doc replied breathlessly. "A plane?"

"I think there's several actually," Derek said. He gripped his blanket tightly in his hand, feeling his heart beat speed up as the sound grew louder.

"Do you think they're going to-? Do you think-?" Doc asked, apparently unable to ask the questions Derek could hear with his heart.

_Do you think they're going to bomb us?_

_Do you think this will be the end?_

"I don't know," he answered thickly. The sound grew stronger by the second and soon Derek heard the other men in the barrack wake up.

"I'm scared," Doc said and Derek felt him shift on the bunk below him. He sat up and swung his legs over the edge, dropping to the floor quickly. He could just make out Doc's face in the darkness, his eyes were huge and he looked sickly pale.

"Me too," he said and took Doc's hand when he reached for him,

The sound was deafening and he clutched Doc's hand in his as he heard plane after plane pass over their heads, sounding so close he almost ducked.

"Morgan," Doc whispered when the planes were too far away for them to be heard anymore.

"I don't know," Derek said. He sat on Doc's narrow bunk feeling too stressed to even consider letting go of his hand.

They stayed on the bunk for the rest of the night, listening closely and feeling scared that they might miss something if they talked. They weren't the only ones awake. The only sounds they caught for the rest of the night was the shifting on the bunks around them and the faint shouts of the guards outside.

When the light increased and the sky outside the windows turned greyish a new sound occurred. Doc who had started to nod off said up abruptly, obviously having noticed the faint rumbling sound too. His eyes found Derek's quickly, too wide and with a shimmer of hope that made Derek's insides tighten.

"You can't be sure," he told Doc.

"The planes could be reconnaissance, this could be help," he said quietly and breathlessly.

"You can't be sure," Derek insisted, trying to quell his hope. The defeat would be too great if it was reinforcement for the guards.

"You can't be sure I'm wrong," Doc snapped back, but he kept holding Derek's hand so he probably wasn't as angry as he sounded.

Every man in the hangar was silent. Derek could only hear his heart beating and the faint rumble from afar.

"I can't hear anybody outside," he suddenly realized the words spilling from his lip without thought.

Doc's eyes widened impossible more and Derek knew it was too late to kill the hope in him.

They sat facing each other on the bunk, staring into the others eyes as they listened with every atom of their beings.

_Let it be over, please let this be it_, Derek chanted in his head over and over. He didn't know how it would affect Doc if it was wrong but the hit would be hard and Derek couldn't afford to lose him, he was such a big part of why he was still fighting to keep alive.

The faint rumbling slowly turned less faint then close then very close. Doc's palm was damp in Derek's hold but they never eased the tight grip. They clearly heard the motors when the light started shining in through the windows and it was way past the time where they usually were woken by the bell and it made Derek light-headed with the possibility that it might be true.

The sound of the heavy, well-greased gates being opened was almost impossible to hear and Derek could just see motion indicating that some were trying to glance out of the small windows by standing on the top bunks, but he didn't turn to inspect their tries closer; he couldn't look away from Doc.

The sounds moved into the camp, it was easy to hear, and then all the noise ceded and voices started calling loudly across the open space circled by the hangars. Doc's fingers tightened around Derek's hand.

The door to Four slammed open loudly and men and women with guns poured into the room, looking around at the gaunt-faced men staring back. Derek's face whipped to look at them at the sound of the door hitting the wall and he watched them with his breath caught in his throat.

A man in the front lit up in a smile.

"War's over guys," he said and lowered his gun, the men at his side doing the same.

Derek looked at Doc who let out a shuddering breath.

And started to laugh.

x

Derek stood next to Doc as they silently watched their fellow freed prisoners enter the bright yellow buses.

"You're going to the coast?" Doc asked, eyes on a young man helping a weeping older man onto one of the buses heading south.

"Yes. Mom and Sarah and Desiree will be there of come back there if they had to flee." OR if they were caught went unsaid. "Where will you go?"

"The desert. My mother is resting at a sanitarium there. She'll want to see me."

"You're a good son," Derek said and smiled.

"My bus is about to leave," Doc said and looked at Derek who looked back at him a slight smile curling the corners of his mouth. He felt so light and relieved their captivity had ended.

"I'm glad I had you as a friend here," he told Doc earnestly. "It made surviving these past four months easier." He smiled in gratitude.

Doc gazed back at him, face a grimace of seriousness while his eyes roamed Derek's expression. Then he leaned forward and brushed their lips together.

"I loved for you the past four months," he whispered into Derek's mouth, lips parted in surprise.

Derek stared at Doc as he quickly walked to one of the buses, entering without even a single single look back.

His eyes searched frantically for Doc's face in the windows of the bus when it passed him by, but he couldn't find him among the gaunt, relieved faces staring and smiling back.

When he sat in his own bus and watched the trees flash past him, he realized he couldn't share the exhilarated feeling of Freedom Finally that the other passengers around him expressed.

Because somewhere during what should have been the four darkest months of his life, Derek had fallen in love with a man who had refused to tell him his real name.

All Derek was left to feel was suddenly hopeless.

"You didn't have to call me, I know what you want me to-" Derek was saying until a stressed sounding Sarah interrupted him from the other end of the phone line.

"Last time you brought the wrong brand, so now I repeat my orders so you don't buy some crappy copy! They're in a light blue pack and they should be just below your eye level, they're – hold on, there's someone at the door."

Derek sighed. When he heard his sister put the phone down he picked up a blue pack of cookies and tried to decide if they looked familiar.

He glanced nervously over his shoulder when someone walked by him with a full cart. He still hadn't gotten used to being back in modern society with it's multitude of food and laughter and hundreds of cookie brands.

"Derek, you still there?" Sarah suddenly asked in his ear and Derek startled in surprise then frowned at the now odd tone of voice.

"Sarah, what's wrong?" he asked, putting the cookies back on the shelf. He was down to the end of the aisle before he was done uttering the sentence.

"You need to get back here now."

Derek hung up and ran the two blocks to his sister's apartment taking the stairs three steps at the time to get to her floor. After a brief pause to slow his breathing and calm his frantically beating heart he unlocked the door with the key Sarah had gifted him with upon his arrival back from the camp and slid inside the flat through the slightly opened door as quietly as he could.

"Sarah, are you okay?" he asked his sister in a whisper when he spotted her exiting the kitchen holding two steaming coffee mugs in her hands.

She jumped in surprise, eyes finding his face immediately and her entire stance switched from fear to irritation in a heartbeat.

"Jesus Christ, Derek" You scared the crap out of me! What if I had spilled coffee on me?" she admonished and Derek almost rolled his eyes at her except,

"What's going on? Who was it at the door?"

Sarah collected herself visibly and gave him a quick look of this-is-not-finished-yet,but-at-this-moment-it-can-wait.

"Some man, Spencer Reid. He said he knows you? He's in the main room waiting for his coffee," she said and lifted the two mugs to show what she was talking about.

"I don't know anybody called Spencer Reid," Derek said with a frown and pushed the door to the main room open after sharing a nervous look with his big sister.

There was a man on the couch, his back turned towards the door, but he rose when he heard it open and his hair was longer and he wasn't as sickly thin anymore but Derek still recognized the man.

"Doc."

"Morgan," Doc replied and his name must be Spencer. His face lit up in a smile. "I... I can't believe I found you, this is the twenty-third Sarah Morgan I've visited and I wasn't sure I was even going about this the right way, after all you didn't tell me whether Morgan was your last or first name, but I felt that I should take a chance."

"You went door-knocking looking for me?" Derek asked, feeling weirdly light-headed. Smiling.

"'Miss Morgan? Do you have a brother of mixed race, probably Caucasian and African American? I'm looking for a man I met in a work camp in February.'"

"That's incredibly sweet in a slightly creepy way," Sarah commented from behind Derek.

"Don't mind her," Derek said and smiled when he heard her snort.

"Screw you, Der," she said and put the cups down on the coffee table. "Get acquainted with your friend, I have cookies to buy." She smiled apologetically to Spencer. "Apparently Derek doesn't know how to shop anymore."

"It was nice meeting you," Spencer said and Sarah waved her hand dismissively over her shoulder and left the room.

Derek looked at the man he hadn't seen for so long. "It's nice finally meeting _you,"_ he said with a smile and Spencer huffed a breathy laugh.

"Finally meeting?" he asked good-naturedly. "So the months we spent together in the camp doesn't count?"

Derek shrugged. "I never knew your name, I just knew you weren't a real doctor, you just read a lot of heavy books. But now you're here maybe you could help me with something. It's just your type of medical thing too, diagnostic stuff, you know."

"What is it?" Spencer asked tentatively. His smile decreased in width and Derek immediately missed it. He just couldn't believe this was real.

_Doc was_ _here. _

"Yeah, I've had it since leaving the camp actually, and I think you're just the right person to help me." He took a step towards him. "You see, I've been experiencing this intense, sort of hollowing ache like nothing I've ever experienced before." He took Spencer's hand and pressed it against his chest, over his heart. "Right here."

Spencer looked between Derek's face and the hand against his chest for a moment, brow furrowed in confusion and Derek tried to convey with his eyes and his smile all the things going on inside his head.

"Oh," Spencer said, his face lighting up in understanding. "Well, Morgan – Derek, I think I might have an idea of what your problem is," he said his eyes meeting Derek's, suddenly dark and glinting with good humor.

"That's such a relief," Derek said with exaggerated relief, his gaze intense and unwavering as it held Spencer's. "And what does the good doctor prescribe then?"

Spencer took a small step, easily erasing the gap between the two of them leaning in until his lips were a hairs' breath away from Derek's. He looked searchingly into Derek's eyes, as if expecting him to pull away. When he didn't Spencer leaned in and pressed their lips together softly.

Derek felt dizzy from relief and happiness and returned the kiss enthusiastically.

He pulled in a deep breath when they finally parted again, his light-headedness unaffected by the intake of oxygen.

"Did it help?" Spencer asked shyly, a few mere inches away from Derek's mouth, the words rushing against his tingling lips.

Derek reached up and caressed Spencer's jawline with his finger tips. "It's a miracle," he said quietly, smiling softly. The corners of Spencer's eyes crinkled when he returned the smile.

"Congratulations, Derek," he said and part of Derek wanted to pull back so he could take in the entirety of Spencer's face, memorize the way the sharp features had softened and turned less unnaturally gaunt. "I predict you will live a long and happy life."

"I'm not so sure about that," Derek said, leaning in so their lips brushed every time they moved. "It pretty much depends on what you're planning on doing for the rest of yours."


End file.
